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Friday, October 28, 2011

Single BLACK Female

Ever since I was a little girl, religion, church, spirituality (or whatever it is you call it) has been a part of my life.  It has never been a choice for me; at 2 years old, I had the first ten books of the Bible memorized and had devotion every day at school.

The ideals of marriage, honesty, loving-kindness and discipline were instilled in me daily.  My family wasn't super-religious, but we did go to church every Sunday.  This wasn't abnormal to me… It's what everyone did.  As a child, church was like a show to me; the choir would sing, the old lady in the corner (who sat in the same seat every Sunday) would fall asleep, then a few people would catch the Holy Ghost and run around the church.  I also loved to dress up and compare the ruffles on my dress to all of the other little girls' dresses.  I had no concept of what these symbols actually meant as a child, it had become the normalcy of what church was.

Church, the Black family and the high regard that the church holds in our culture are often discussed .While skimming the internet today, I ran across an article: "The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely".

I'm not so sure how I feel about this!  In fact, I'm pretty sure it pisses me off!  Every pastor that I have been exposed to is involved in a loving and successful marriage and leads by example!  They are/were encouraging to the congregation and don't give false hope. 

This article states: "Single black women, sitting in church every Sunday, are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting, without demand, for what they want to magically come to them.”

Okay, are you kidding me???  Just because a pastor gives advice or is encouraging doesn't mean that he is "brainwashing"!  What's wrong with being told to "not settle and be patient"?

The article then goes on to say: "Who is doing this to women?  The male standing in front of the church inthe role of spiritual leader, that's who!"

Is it just me… or is the writer of this article a true, blue FOOL?!?  Are they seriously saying that pastors are the reason there are so many single Black women?  Well, I feel the exact opposite and am grateful for my pastor who, first of all, very rarely preaches about relationships and is very encouraging to everyone, not just the single folks!  However, he does every now and then tell us that there is nothing wrong with being single and if you are, enjoy it!

I truly understand that what's for me, is for me.  I will continue to grow and love myself, so when the time is right, the man of my dreams will have no choice but to do the same!

This article has really sparked up great conversation amongst my friends and fellow writers, so I would like for them to voice their opinions as well.  Over the next few weeks, you will hear from Nakita Jackson, Michele Mosley and Brandi Allen with their views of this strongly opinionated article.  I can't wait to see what they have to say!  Stay Tuned…

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Unapologetically Me!

I am who I am and have been given all that I have not only because I am blessed but because of the influence of those who came before me.  Pastor Horace Smith says, “We are losing the future generations by raising them incorrectly and not holding them accountable for their actions and it is our responsibility to be the leading example for them to follow.”
I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect; in fact, I’m quiet flawed… but who isn’t?  All of my “wrongs” will be “right” to someone, someday. 
In my life, I have been blessed with two loving and successful parents who were able to provide a wonderful life for me, but on top of that I was allowed to be myself.  Free-spirited, imaginative and bursting with energy!
I am without a doubt loud…but I have reason to be!  I am blessed beyond measure and living in the best times of my life, why wouldn’t I want to share that with the world? I love to have fun and my over-the-top personality is a threat to most…but I refuse to be untrue to who I am!  What’s for me is for me (be it personal or professional) and it will be!  
Being caring and sensitive are also attributes I carry.  I’m a little too sensitive if you ask me, but it’s who I am!  I’ll cry at the drop if a hat and catch an attitude even faster! LOL I can’t help it! I care for my loved ones immensely and I put a lot of effort into those relationships and when I am underappreciated, it truly hurts.
As I previously mentioned, I have great parents.  They are beautiful! I’m a mixture of the two of them and I am proud of what I look like!  My hair is not long, my face is round, my cheeks are big, I am not “model skinny” but I am beautiful!  That’s not all though; my attributes come from them as well. Strength, kindness, loyalty, authority and much more has been demonstrated by my parents and they are who I strive to be like.  They have led by example and now it’s my responsibility and commitment to do the same for those who come after me.

One of my favorite quotes is: “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Rupaul
In fact, it’s my reasoning behind this post!  I love myself no matter what and I’m proud of the woman I’ve become.  In all that I am: spoiled, dramatic, loud, bitchy, silly, sensitive, mothering, caring, critical… FLAWED!

Table for One please… Unapologetically me… Love me or leave me alone…

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Throw all of our stress out of the window and act like a kid again… No worries… No stress… No bills!  Live today like it’s your last and worry about the rest of the crap tomorrow!