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Friday, January 27, 2012

Let It Flow

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want and just see what happens!” – Carrie Bradshaw
This quote completely speaks to me and to so many single women I’ve had conversations with.  Just as I’ve said previously, it’s ok to want a relationship, but we have to be careful how we go about attaining them!  I am definitely an over analyzer and have read into so many situations the wrong way…Everyone is not going to be honest; every man you date is not looking for a relationship; Prince Charming is a fairy tale character and I doubt he’s walking around your city trying to find you!  I don’t want to be the girl dreaming up some great love story in my head for no reason…I have to keep my feet strongly planted, even though some situations make me feel like I want to fly!  Living with a realistic mindset when dating is a MUST!
Dating someone new is always fun, at least it is for me…I have these great expectations and hope for wonderful things to happen!  The smallest things put the biggest smiles on my face, and that’s because I am hopeful for the possibility…The possibility of building something, actually getting to know someone new, and the thrill and excitement of the unknown.  But, my past still has me very cautious…
It’s sad, but I’ve sort of learned to set myself up for disappointment, so that it doesn’t hurt if a situation doesn’t work out.  One of my besties and I, kind of work as each other’s “reality check” when it comes to dating… LOL!  I’ll call her, all excited about a new guy I’m dating or someone I’ve met and she immediately turns on her soft (psychiatrist) voice! LOL  “Okay, I know you like him and he seems really nice, but I’m going to need you to calm down”!  She sweetly brings me back to reality, which is most of the time definitely needed!  But, don’t get it twisted; I have to do the same for her and my other friends too!
It’s very easy to give someone else advice…  I guess things really are easier said than done.  I know when I am giving advice, I am strong and stern with no leeway or room for exceptions, in regards to their situations.  But my personal situations get all of the exceptions in the book!  I don’t know why that is… But it is.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t get excited about dating someone new, but we have to learn to go with the flow.  Chill out and see what happens.  I know it’s hard, because it’s a pretty good feeling to sit at a table for two, just make sure you’re not settling and compromising what you truly want for instant gratification!  Patience is a hard virtue to carry, but can totally be worth the wait!
Table for One please… simply going with the flow… Love me or leave me alone
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Live IN the moment.  Don’t let our fast paced world ruin any experience.  When you are able to simply enjoy the little things, they become much bigger than you expected them to be!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Seasons

Think about your favorite season…
I, for one, prefer summer because the sun is always shining, the temperature is perfect for ice cream and outdoor activities, and it just seems like people are in better moods!  When I think of seasons, I think of the elements that are present during that time, like snow in the winter, rain in the spring, leaves falling in the fall and sunshine in the summer.  This can also be the same for the relationships in our lives, because most of them go through seasonal changes.
It’s very funny how life’s seasons teach us lessons.  Of course, everything happens for a reason and I try my best to look at each situation I’m faced with in life as a lesson to make me a better person.  People come and go in our lives like seasons…they come in, do their job and leave (at least that’s how it works in my life).  I suppose it’s to make us think, analyze, learn and grow as people.  I have learned to enjoy the time I have with people, because I realize that it may only be for a season and if I am lucky, the meaningful ones will circle back around.
The first season of one particular friendship was completely euphoric, with and without romantic connections... it taught me many lessons…lessons of love, loyalty, honesty, responsibility, openness and trust… a truly undeniable, “take me as I am” friendship.  When this friendship ended, I was in shock.  I just never believed this one, the most meaningful interaction I had ever had with a male friend, would end.  But, I eventually learned the meaning of the saying “If you love someone, you’ll let them go”.  I really wanted him to be happy and even though we were not in a relationship when the friendship ended, he felt that I wasn’t what he wanted in a friend and I had no choice but to accept his wishes.
Years later, of course, he has circled back into my life and although it’s not in the same capacity as before… he’s here.  I’m not sure what this season is about.  I can usually pinpoint a person’s purpose for being in my life, but I just can’t put my finger on this one.  Although, I must admit, things are different this time… When you are use to a person being a certain way, having certain reactions and responses in certain situations (when you are truly close to a person, these things are automatically known) and then those things change… well, for lack of better words, it’s weird!  Have you ever tried to “get to know” someone you thought you already knew?  Well, it’s a very interesting process.
I’m not sure what his purpose is for resurfacing in my life, but just as I am prepared for all of the other seasons in my life, I am prepared and open to living through this one.  I am not expecting some great fairy tale or great, big obvious lesson from this; I’m just beginning to realize how this whole thing works (seasons, that is).  If someone is meant to be in your life for one season or for many, you won’t have to chase them or hold them hostage…just learn to be still and they will come back.
Just like the weather, life has seasons and there is nothing wrong with being prepared for and living through them…  Just be sure to bring your umbrella, hat, scarf, boots, and sunglasses along, because the season could change right before your eyes and there’s nothing better than being prepared!
Table for One please... Living in my PRESENT season... Love me or leave me alone... :-)
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Be prepared!  Preparation, in all that you do, will make the process less stressful and anything that can be done stress-free is a wonderful thing!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Mr. Consistency

I’ve learned several things about myself over the last few months and have been trying to become more open and compromising when it comes to dating.  However, the one thing I’ve learned that I cannot tolerate while getting to know someone is inconsistency.
Consistency shows many things, responsibility, integrity, loyalty and most importantly, builds trust.  That’s the whole point of dating, right?  To get to know someone, to learn their character and discover whether they are someone you could potentially build a relationship with… And constant inconsistency could ruin all of that.  It can be super confusing and ruin the whole fun of the process, plus I am too impatient to deal with it.
I’ve never had a problem letting you all know my dating struggles…and trust seems to be the biggest one.  As I think about what allows me to let my guard down when dating someone, it is most definitely, without a shadow of a doubt… CONSISTENCY!
Have you ever interacted with a person and they acted one way, then the next day or time you see them, their interaction with you is completely different?  Well, if you haven’t, be grateful because it’s pretty frustrating and confusing! 
I had a “friend” who confused THE HELL out of me! When we were in a certain setting he was very open and conversational even playful and flirty… I really liked this guy! He was fun to be around and showed interest in me… What girl wouldn’t want that?!?  Then there was the other side of him that was very quiet and closed off.  He was not flirtatious, nor did he show me any interest.  He’s insultingly “friendly” (if that makes any sense).
I am completely confused by these “two people” because neither one of them was consistent!  LOL!  I don’t know if the “closed off him” was a defense mechanism to stop himself from opening up or if the “open him” was saying what he thought I wanted to hear (to get my cookie)!
Situations like this make it harder and harder for me to want to seriously try and date someone, because I am afraid!  I’m not usually a risk taker and although I am a hopeless romantic, I am also very fearful of heartbreak.  But I still have a very positive outlook on my future and am excited for what’s to come.  Is consistency too much to ask for?
I want to trust the people I date, but they have to give me a reason to and consistency is the first step!  I will continue to date because it’s so much fun!  But, I’ll definitely be grateful for the man who gives me good reason (or should I say reasons) to let my guard down!  Until then…
Table for One please… optimistically waiting… Love me or leave me alone!
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Find fun in all that you do!  Good times create great memories.