Table 4 One

“Your dreams about the future are quite intense now, bringing excitement one minute and worry the next.   You’re beginning to realize that your plans are not unfolding as expected.   But rather than feeling discouraged or defeated, try to see this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself according to your vision and not someone else’s.   Let go of past goals that are no longer meaningful. Instead, get ready to step into the year ahead by setting new priorities for your life.” I wanted to share my horoscope from yesterday with you because it was very fitting for today’s post.   I have been thinking about 2012 rapidly approaching and the things I want for myself in the New Year.   As I began to think of what I wanted everything on that list was in some way connected to “things’ in my past… How can you have a future if your past is still present?? 2012 is a new year, with new beginnings and I will have a new state of mind! I partied like a freakin ROCKSTAR in 2011 (partly to keep my

Christmas is just around the corner and my spirit of giving has become very personal!  I have been shopping like I actually have extra money to spend!  Of course, while shopping for all my friends and family, I’ve found a few (meaning several) new items for myself!  It’s so sad… but I find it very hard to say “no” to shiny new things! I am by no means a fashionista, but I would say that I am fashion forward!  I wouldn’t say that I am always on top of what’s hot or not, but I definitely make it work!  I’ve been bitten by the online shopping bug and have somehow found myself in shopaholic hell!  An addictive personality and free shipping DO NOT mix! This is very, very serious!  But, the funny thing is… I make the best excuses!  LOL  I have 5 great reasons to justify my wallet-busting habits! 1. I’m single…I need to be cute when I go out! 2. The seasons change so often; I have to be prepared. 3. I must have shoes to match the clothes! (I can’t go out in a cute outfit and no shoes

Have you heard of The Secret aka The Law of Attraction ? It is a metaphysical belief that "like attracts like" that positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative physical results and respectively, is simply speaking things into existence! I believe in this whole-heartedly… That our thoughts, beliefs and state of mind have a massive impact on what actually happens in our lives. For instance, when I was thrown into the single life, I was a completely different person for a while… Sad, quiet, extremely sensitive (to be honest, I’m always extremely sensitive), I was basically a wreck!   Then one day, I decided that I was no longer going to be this person!   I was claiming my joy and taking it all back… And I did! Sometimes people count on you to be you !   And I was not providing my true self to my friends and family.   I have a friend who I have grown very close to in the past couple years.   She lives in Texas, so I hardly ever see her, but we are st

One of my favorite movies in the entire world is “Coming to America”.   It’s a side-splitting comedy about an African prince who goes to New York in hopes of finding a bride, so he won’t have to marry the princess his parents have chosen for him.   In the end, he finds love and they live happily ever after…O f course ! Isn’t that what happens in the movies?   Girl meets Boy…Girl falls in love…Boy falls too (eventually)… and they live happily ever after!   Movies have had me thinking this is what my life would be like as an adult!   Well they damn sure had me fooled!   It’s definitely not how my life has played out. I always thought I’d be married and done having children before I turned 30… Well, I’m pretty close to 30 and that has yet to happen.   In fact, I don’t see it anywhere in my near future.   I don’t see my childhood prediction coming into fruition anytime soon.   While dating, it’s been super difficult to encounter a man who actually wants to be in a monogamous relat

As I headed to church one beautiful Sunday morning with my mother by my side, I was optimistic.   This day, there was no struggle to wake up and take care of business, no slight headache lingering from the drinks I had the night before... No reason to make excuses. Prepared to fill-up for the new week, speak happiness into my life and hear my pastor preach... I was ready! I rushed up the pavement, hearing myself take every step, (something about hearing my footsteps makes me feel useful, prepared, strong, womanly) I was eager to get inside.   We sat down and I realized that my pastor, the person I was so eager to hear a word from, WAS NOT preaching.   I tell myself that it's okay, that I came to hear a word not a man and to give the guest a chance! As I preoccupied myself with reading the weekly bulletin, I heard a voice... A female preacher stood up in front of the church and spoke to us in such a beautiful tone... It sounded like she was singing.   I had no choice but

I want to thank you, Lord, for life and all that's in it. Thank you for the day and for the hour, and the minute. - Dr. Maya Angelou   Sometimes you have to show people that they are appreciated... To let them know that what they are doing, their presence, input and support are all noticed... I love writing down my thoughts and sharing them with my followers.   Table for One could not exist without you!   So for those of you who have read only one post... Those of you who have read every single entry... And everyone in between, I truly love and appreciate you for all of your support! To my friends... Maria, Ashley A., Sheena, and last but not least Brandi I love you!!! I talked to all of you about Table for One when it was just an idea... and all of you told me to GO FOR IT!!! I'm super grateful for your support, honesty and encouragement because without you I would've never had the guts to do this!! So thanks! Thanks to my family, who reads my blog weekly (even

Last, but not least Brandi S. Allen has given the table her take! I am really into this conversation and I hope you all are too! Strong, beautiful, God-fearing women! Single, engaged, married... WHATEVER! We have a voice and I am happy that we are able to voice it! Check her out!! Soooooo, where do I begin???   There are several opinions of why there are so many single black women in the world, but none as controversial as the article this blog post is centered around… The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely.   As I began reading this extremely generalizing and stereotypical article, I started feeling “some kinda way”.   Some statements I agree with, but most are simply angering.   I must admit, the author has a few valid points, but her delivery is offensive, clouded and very matter-of-fact.   Deborrah Cooper blames “da passta”, for delivering GOD’S WORD to Black women and brainwashing them into waiting for their husbands.   She in

We are still having the discussion on the this very opinionated article I read a few weeks ago. I feel that its important that strong Black women not only discuss these outrageous stereotypes this writer has attached to us, but to give our opinions validity.  Michele Mosley has given us her opinion and I'm sure you'll enjoy what she has to say.  By the way, feel free to join the discussion in the comments section! Thanks http://survivingdating.com/black-churches-how-black-churches-keep-african-american-women-single-and-alone I must say that after reading the article, “The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely”, I was truly shocked by what I read. The author, who has clearly not been an active part of a black church, or the right black church is so misguided; what a shame! I am not just saying that because I was raised in church or because I met my fiancé in church, but because during this article she states that we are taught by our

As I mentioned previously I have asked some fellow writers to voice their opinion on the strongly opinionated article that I spoke of last week. http://survivingdating.com/black-churches-how-black-churches-keep-african-american-women-single-and-alone Here’s what Nakita Jackson had to say! As a black woman and preacher’s kid I was thoroughly offended by every preconceived notion in this article. Truth be told, the only fact in the whole article was the video she was bashing…the rest was the ravings of one very bitter woman. I don’t have blind unwavering faith in black men or the black church, first of all that goes against the word of God. The word obviously states (had she bothered to open a bible) that you are to put your faith in no man and entity only God. Psalms 146:3 - Put not your trust in princes, or in the son of man, in whom there is no help. So it’s not the black woman sitting in church every Sunday that is being brainwashed and placated, it’s the ones reading this

Ever since I was a little girl, religion, church, spirituality (or whatever it is you call it) has been a part of my life.  It has never been a choice for me; at 2 years old, I had the first ten books of the Bible memorized and had devotion every day at school. The ideals of marriage, honesty, loving-kindness and discipline were instilled in me daily.  My family wasn't super-religious, but we did go to church every Sunday.  This wasn't abnormal to me… It's what everyone did.  As a child, church was like a show to me; the choir would sing, the old lady in the corner (who sat in the same seat every Sunday) would fall asleep, then a few people would catch the Holy Ghost and run around the church.  I also loved to dress up and compare the ruffles on my dress to all of the other little girls' dresses.  I had no concept of what these symbols actually meant as a child, it had become the normalcy of what church was. Church, the Black family and the high regard that the chur

I am who I am and have been given all that I have not only because I am blessed but because of the influence of those who came before me.   Pastor Horace Smith says, “We are losing the future generations by raising them incorrectly and not holding them accountable for their actions and it is our responsibility to be the leading example for them to follow.” I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect; in fact, I’m quiet flawed… but who isn’t?   All of my “wrongs” will be “right” to someone, someday.   In my life, I have been blessed with two loving and successful parents who were able to provide a wonderful life for me, but on top of that I was allowed to be myself.   Free-spirited, imaginative and bursting with energy! I am without a doubt loud…but I have reason to be!   I am blessed beyond measure and living in the best times of my life, why wouldn’t I want to share that with the world? I love to have fun and my over-the-top personality is a threat to most…but I re

As you all know, I’ve been relishing in my single life for a while now and truly enjoying it.   But every now and then, I get a flashback…And this one came completely by surprise. Last Sunday, I was having a conversation with someone I hadn’t seen in a while. We caught up with the usual “how are you” & “how’s the fam” generic questions you ask when you haven’t seen someone in a while. We were just breezing through our lightweight conversation and then he asked about my ex. This wasn’t a surprise because for so long, when you saw him, you saw me.   I gave short yet sweet answers to let him know that I was ok and that I hadn’t talked to him.   Then he asked a question! A question that was completely unexpected. .. “You do know that there isn’t anything wrong with you and that you didn’t do anything wrong right??” I wonder what my face looked like, because I was not expecting him to say that.  As tears streamed down my face, he proceeded to tell me how men handle situations mu

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. ~ Bruce Lee We all know the story of Love & Basketball , but just in case you are one of the few people on earth who hasn’t seen it…Quincy and Monica are childhood friends who are nothing more than just that, until their senior year of high school when things change.   They decide to become more than friends.   Their relationship has its ups and downs, but they eventually live happily ever after. Well, I tried to make this movie a reality in my own life a couple times.   I’ve had great friendships with men that were just that, friendships.   But my last two relationships, which lasted for several years, didn’t quite turn out like the movie.   Both of them ended abruptly, leaving me with feelings of pain and regret.   What did I gain from th

Music can make you think, cry, laugh, dance, worship and so much more.   As I studied radio production at Columbia College Chicago, I learned a lot about music and how its timing can make or break a mood. There are many ways you can express yourself through music.   It makes dancers dance and singers sing.   I have been a dancer since I was 2 years old, so when I hear music I immediately want to dance.   It’s like it’s in my blood!   But no matter how you slice it, music enhances all feelings and emotions.   As I was driving home the other night after having drinks with a friend, I turned to WGCI.   “Whispers in the Dark” was on, a show that plays nothing but songs regarding relationships; from 10pm to 2am every day.   As I drove the 20 minute drive home all kinds of songs were playing in my ear… I heard these men and women singing of love and happiness and I felt nothing. Not one thought to make me smile, giggle, feel butterflies or even get angry! I was blank! Now of course ol

Are you a “side chick”?   Does your man take you around his family?   Does he take you around his friends?   Do you speak to him throughout the day?   Have you ever been to his house?   If your answer to most of these questions is NO, you just might be a side chick!   Now, I know some people are okay with being in this position, but I for one, AM NOT! When dating I like to receive a substantial amount of attention.   Not necessarily to consume the life of the person I’m dating, but I like to know that I am the one person that is receiving most of their attention.   Some women are okay with sloppy seconds, being the “chick on the side”, but it’s just not me!   I am too spoiled, loud and in need of attention to be in that position…I just don’t have it in me!   I was used to being in a relationship, receiving all of the attention and all of a sudden I’m supposed to take what I can get!?!   NO! I don’t think so! Some women are okay in this role and they play it well…They stay in their pla

I was going to write about something totally different today, but all of the random “Good Morning” texts I received this morning completely changed my mind!   Now, I’m not sure if I’m the only one this happens to, but what’s up with this dreaded “Good Morning” text!?! What does it mean?   Are these guys really thinking of me?   Are they just being polite?   Is it game?   How many other chicks are getting the same text?   I mean seriously, I am not personally affected by these random “acts” of kindness, but I used to be… Once upon a time, there was a girl…A girl whose daily mood completely depended on an insignificant “Good Morning” text!   It was so stupid, now that I think about it, how I could be so naïve!?!   But it made me feel valued, cared for and thought of.   I would really look forward to it every morning and if I didn’t get it, I was completely pissed and he had hell to pay!   How could I let this tiny gesture effect my ENTIRE DAY!   I was giving him all of my power, but why

To settle or not to settle? That is the question… As I sit and watch an episode of VH1's new hit show “Single Ladies”, I have realized that I could sooooo be a character on this show!   Now, there's Val, the woman who has it all!   Her own business, wonderful friends, a beautiful home, but no LOVE... Keisha is the vixen and desired by most of the men she meets!   A beautifully independent woman, who views dating as freely and frivolously as men…but she may have actually found love this time around.  Lastly there's April; she had the perfect marriage, but became bored in her relationship and cheated on her husband.  She is now going through an unwanted divorce.   All that's missing is me; the recently single, confident, cute and outgoing woman who wants to have fun dating, but is never approached by the men she considers to be "worth it..." Fits right in, huh? I have great friends in my life, one of whom is my mother; I talk to her about almost everything!