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Friday, September 30, 2011

Clarity

As you all know, I’ve been relishing in my single life for a while now and truly enjoying it.  But every now and then, I get a flashback…And this one came completely by surprise.
Last Sunday, I was having a conversation with someone I hadn’t seen in a while. We caught up with the usual “how are you” & “how’s the fam” generic questions you ask when you haven’t seen someone in a while. We were just breezing through our lightweight conversation and then he asked about my ex. This wasn’t a surprise because for so long, when you saw him, you saw me.  I gave short yet sweet answers to let him know that I was ok and that I hadn’t talked to him.  Then he asked a question! A question that was completely unexpected. ..
“You do know that there isn’t anything wrong with you and that you didn’t do anything wrong right??”
I wonder what my face looked like, because I was not expecting him to say that.  As tears streamed down my face, he proceeded to tell me how men handle situations much differently than women and that just because I didn’t get an answer as to why things ended doesn’t mean I’m toxic!
I’m not sure if I was more shocked from the words coming out of his mouth or that I was crying.  As I stopped listening to him, I tried to figure out exactly why I was crying. 
Is there something wrong with me? Am I still sad about the breakup? Was I emotional because he was showing me that he cared? Or am I just extremely emotional for no reason at all today? (I have those days…I don’t know why)  I needed to figure this out!
This man doesn’t really know me that well and he hadn’t seen me in months, but he was able to pull this emotion from me… It was weird, because I couldn’t figure out where these emotions were coming from. All I know is that they hit me like a bolder!
I realized that his intentions were not to make me cry.  He was just being concerned. This conversation is a prime example of how our loved ones hold on to things long after we let them go.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way trying to forget my relationship, because it taught me valuable lessons. As does all relationships. I’ve learned a lot about love, compromise, honesty, and loyalty while dating.  What I learned from this relationship as well as the ones that preceded it, will allow me to be a better partner in my next relationship.
This conversation gave validation to what I had been trying to convince myself of ever since The Breakup.  That I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m not toxic!  Hearing those words from him gave me clarity.  Sometimes we need a second opinion to validate what we already know is the truth! I am grateful for those tears because they were happy ones and his second opinion not only allowed me to put everything in perspective but it was also just what the doctor ordered!
I’m on a journey…and taking every moment in… Table for One please… All of me no holds barred… Love me or leave me alone!
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Don’t forget to be grateful, things could be much worse.  I am grateful for the happy tears, because for a long time the only tears that fell from my eyes were from pain.


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