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Friday, August 26, 2011

Are you a “side chick”?  Does your man take you around his family?  Does he take you around his friends?  Do you speak to him throughout the day?  Have you ever been to his house?  If your answer to most of these questions is NO, you just might be a side chick!  Now, I know some people are okay with being in this position, but I for one, AM NOT!
When dating I like to receive a substantial amount of attention.  Not necessarily to consume the life of the person I’m dating, but I like to know that I am the one person that is receiving most of their attention.  Some women are okay with sloppy seconds, being the “chick on the side”, but it’s just not me!  I am too spoiled, loud and in need of attention to be in that position…I just don’t have it in me!  I was used to being in a relationship, receiving all of the attention and all of a sudden I’m supposed to take what I can get!?!  NO! I don’t think so!
Some women are okay in this role and they play it well…They stay in their place, accept the amount of time they have with “their man” and keep it moving.  They like not being too attached or committed; I guess they get a rush from it all…I believe in karma and I know that I wouldn’t want a woman sneaking around with my man knowing I was the one he was coming home to.  So, I just CANNOT bring myself to do it!  I’m worth more.
I have a good amount of male friends and some of them are in relationships.  I am always respectful of their relationships.  A while ago I had an issue with one of my male friends; the girlfriend didn’t want us to be friends.  I have known both of them for years…Even prior to their relationship, so her insecurity about me was a shock.  I think she was intimidated by my beauty…LBVS.  We would text regularly about insignificant topics and she would always find something wrong with us communicating.  Eventually, I scaled down my interaction with him, only out of respect for him and his relationship.
Although this particular friend was not trying to be anymore than friends, there is a male friend of mine who wants more than friendship.  This friend is also in a relationship and it’s very insulting to know, that he would expect me to accept being a “sometime chick” when he is away from his girlfriend!  At first, I was a little open to the idea because he insisted that he was unhappy and would be out of the relationship soon.  HOWEVER, months later, he was in the same situation…Happy girlfriend, happy home, happy relationship.  Yet, he was always eager to see me.  Now, I refused to get physical with him, only because I believe that what goes around comes around.  And, I knew that even speaking intimately with him was disrespectful and I wouldn’t want that to happen to me, so I HAD to cut him off.  He wouldn’t leave easily though…The way he responded, you would think that we were in a truly intimate relationship.  I just didn’t feel right and I would have ended up with the tears and hurt feelings in the end. 
I am very happy in the decision that I made to not accept this second hand treatment. Ladies, we have to take a stand and know our worth.  Stop accepting this behavior from men who claim they care for you.  I can only speak for myself when I say I’d rather be alone than a second option. You decide your worth!
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Forgive yourself, don't blame yourself for things gone wrong in your life! How can you ever move forward if your are stuck on things you feel you've done wrong in the past!?!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Hello...Good Morning!?!

I was going to write about something totally different today, but all of the random “Good Morning” texts I received this morning completely changed my mind!  Now, I’m not sure if I’m the only one this happens to, but what’s up with this dreaded “Good Morning” text!?!
What does it mean?  Are these guys really thinking of me?  Are they just being polite?  Is it game?  How many other chicks are getting the same text?  I mean seriously, I am not personally affected by these random “acts” of kindness, but I used to be…
Once upon a time, there was a girl…A girl whose daily mood completely depended on an insignificant “Good Morning” text!  It was so stupid, now that I think about it, how I could be so naïve!?!  But it made me feel valued, cared for and thought of.  I would really look forward to it every morning and if I didn’t get it, I was completely pissed and he had hell to pay!  How could I let this tiny gesture effect my ENTIRE DAY!  I was giving him all of my power, but why?  Well, somewhere deep down in my heart I wanted to be loved and desired by SOMEONE…Even if it wasn’t sincere!  So, I took what I could get!
I was immediately snapped back into reality when I realized this was a MASS text!  Meaning, I WAS NOT the only person receiving this “oh-so-precious” text…It was all a façade, a trick, GAME!  So now I no longer allow these “acts” to effect my day!  Although, I no longer speak to Mr. Good Morning there are plenty more where he came from!
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that all “Good Morning” texts are used as “game.” Some people actually do think of me enough to say good morning.  It’s refreshing to know that I am thought of by people who aren’t looking for something in return.  They simply want to let me know that I am thought of and I appreciate that!
So, whether these random texts are sincere or merely blowing smoke, it doesn’t matter because I will no longer allow the actions of others to have the power to affect me!

Table for one please…All of me, no holds barred!  Love me or leave me alone :-)

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Do something kind for someone…And when they smile, so will you!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

To settle or not to settle? That is the question…

As I sit and watch an episode of VH1's new hit show “Single Ladies”, I have realized that I could sooooo be a character on this show!  Now, there's Val, the woman who has it all!  Her own business, wonderful friends, a beautiful home, but no LOVE... Keisha is the vixen and desired by most of the men she meets!  A beautifully independent woman, who views dating as freely and frivolously as men…but she may have actually found love this time around.  Lastly there's April; she had the perfect marriage, but became bored in her relationship and cheated on her husband.  She is now going through an unwanted divorce.  All that's missing is me; the recently single, confident, cute and outgoing woman who wants to have fun dating, but is never approached by the men she considers to be "worth it..."

Fits right in, huh?

I have great friends in my life, one of whom is my mother; I talk to her about almost everything!  So it’s just natural for me to go to her for advice and to vent when I need to… Frustrating situations from dating come up often and she always tells me, I have to love who loves me.  It took me a while to understand what she was truly saying.  I was finding that the men I was attracted to were not attracted to me.  But I refused to settle.  I’m not going to date the cross-eyed dude in the FUBU outfit just because he’s attracted to me…I do have standards!!  But I did give myself a little leeway and gave men that I normally wouldn’t give the time of day, a chance. To learn to try something new, but not necessarily settle.

My friends and I struggle with this situation daily!  As you already know, I have some pretty hot friends and most of them are single and battling the same demon as me.  I read an article the other day that hit a little close to home…The article was called “Eleven Reasons Why Beautiful Women Have Trouble Finding Mr. Right”.  I am not generally the self-help, “help me find a man” article reading type of girl, but this one caught my eye!
It gave several reasons why beautiful women can’t find what they are looking for.  One that particularly caught my eye talked about “the hunter”.  It read: The more attractive the woman, the more likely she will be approached by the kind of man who approaches attractive women.  This kind of man views hunting, seducing and conquering women as a sport.  The article references this type of behavior as a game, and once the “game” is won, he’s no longer interested.  As you look at the behavior of some of the men you know…is this true?  I can only speak for myself and they hit it right on the head!!
Next, they talked about what I face most, not being approached!  It read: The more attractive the woman, the less likely she will be approached by a man who wants a relationship.  It is very unlikely that a man will approach a woman who he feels is more attractive than he is.  So basically, the article is telling me that an attractive man who wants a relationship is non-existent!
Well, not non-existent, just a very rare breed…I refuse to believe this, that a good guy, who is attractive with great attributes doesn’t exist!!!
So ladies, what are we to do?  Should we scale down our cute clothes, make-up and hair so we can be considered more approachable?  Well, I refuse!  I can’t help that I’m fabulous!

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Concentrate on making yourself better!  Once you learn to love yourself, it won’t be too long before someone else joins you!