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Friday, April 27, 2012

Actions Speak

I am a person of action… I really don’t like to say what I am going to; I JUST DO IT! Have you ever had someone get your hopes up about something and never come through?!? As a child, I was very blessed with parents who very rarely let this happen, so it’s not something I’m used to! Call me spoiled, but that’s how I was raised.
I expect the same thing with all of my interactions with people whether it’s friends, coworkers or family… but especially from someone I am dating. Why make false promises? Now, don’t get me wrong, I know things happen and you can’t always do the things you intend on doing… But I am speaking of the fairy tale builders and the ones who lay it on thick because they have other intentions. This is utterly ridiculous and I know it happens, because not only has it happened to me, but I have spoken to men who say that this is what they do!
“I just tell them what I could do for them and they give me what I want just because I say I’m gonna do something!”
Come on now ladies, we have got to do better! We are worth so much more than a promise! I have never been one to be excited because a man has money or owns a fancy car, why would that excite me?!? It’s theirs, not mine…  I’d much rather have someone who is going to be honest about their intentions and not use material things to lure me in. To be honest with you, I’d much rather you show me the type of person you are, than flaunt what YOU have in my face!
I am a person of action and what truly keeps me interested and willing to open up when dating someone is consistency and validation. Meaning… I need proof! Don’t tell me what you are going to do for me, just do it!  Because the “girl” in me is going to get excited and hopeful for what could be empty promises and I’d rather save myself the disappointment, because as much as I try not to imagine some wonderful “fairy tale like” dating situation when thinking about what I want, it happens.  And I’ve been disappointed in the past, so I’ve learned not to get my hopes up!
Chrisette Michele (one of my favorite artists) has a song called “What You Do” and I love it… It’s so blunt and speaks to this very subject!

All I’m saying is fellas, if you are going to make promises, be sure that you are able to keep them. If not, just… “Say with your actions…” she’ll appreciate that much more… I promise!
Table for One please… The proof is in the pudding… Love me or leave me alone!
BACK TO HAPPY TIP:  Learn to love yourself! When you love yourself it shows and it will be that much easier for someone else to love you too!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Act like... YOURSELF!

I for one ALWAYS follow the rules! I was a very obedient child and very rarely got in trouble.  But when it comes to dating I can’t figure out which rules to follow!  I like rules (to a certain extent) because they create boundaries, order, and accountability. 
However, when it comes to dating, there are so many unwritten rules; I find it hard to keep up.  Especially with so many relationship books telling us how to act, what to wear, how to respond in situations, when to give up the cookies and how to respond in different situations… blah blah blah!
I am completely confused with what's right and what's wrong… Between Steve Harvey, Dr. Love and whoever else claims to be an expert on relationships telling us what to do, women have completely morphed into puppets! Some women are calculating every single move they make when dating because these "experts" told them to!  Forgive my tone if I sound a little harsh but this whole "relationship expert advised" dating world has become exhausting!  I don’t think that it’s wrong to seek advice in any situation, but receiving dating advice from a stranger is just not for me!
I enjoy dating and getting to know people, but I feel like I can't be myself! You all should know by now that I like to think of myself as an acquired taste and not everyone can handle "all that I am"! A few of my friends have read relationship books and have recommended that I do the same, but it’s just not something I am interested in doing!
When the man of my dreams FINALLY sweeps me off of my feet I don't want it to be because he was tricked into doing so! Lbvs... I don't want to "catch" him because I did certain things in a certain order because the author of some book told me to!
People were building relationships with longevity and trust way before this "love advice frenzy" became so trendy! I have never once picked up any relationship book and I don't plan on ever doing so!
I want the person I grow to love to “get to know” the real me… The me that will work their nerves and give them butterflies all at the same time... The me that will make them want their space yet think of me every second that they are away... The me that is full of flaws yet perfect to them... the real me... that they could live without but will never want to know what it feels like!
I'm excited about the dating process and what it will bring to my life and I WILL HAVE happiness in a relationship and it won't be because I “acted” a certain way, or “held out” for a certain amount of time, or followed any rules! I will have it because what is meant to be will be!
I am a woman... I plan to act like one AND think like one...
Table for One please... Writing my own book... Love me or leave me alone!
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Be YOURSELF!!! It’s too much work trying to be what you feel others want you to be!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Cause I'm a Woman! W-O-M-A-N!

I’d like to think that I am a great conversationalist and in order for me to be an affective communicator I must be a great listener.  Sometimes I talk too much…LOL, but my father says, “God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth, so we could listen twice as much as we speak”!  Lately, I have been trying to listen more to the things around me… But not just the obvious, like what I hear people say, but to the unconventional things like my instincts!  I never thought I had a womanly instinct to listen to because I guess I’ve never thought of myself as a woman!  (Weird, right?) I mean, I thought of myself as a woman, scientifically (let’s clear that up)…LOL, but I never thought I had experienced enough in life to adorn that title, until recently.
But now that I view myself as a woman…as a W-O-M-A-N…I have begun to pay attention to the little things.  Butterflies in my stomach, second thoughts, angry reactions and whatever other signs may come.  I listen!  Especially when it comes to dating, it’s the only thing I have.  I mean, of course I have my friends to bounce ideas off of and have conversations with.  But more recently, I’ve become more independent in these situations, trying not to allow the opinions of others effect decisions I make in my personal life.  This way if I fail, I have no one to blame but myself.
While dating, I struggle on whether or not to move forward with certain situations.  How do you know if people are sincere?  I recently had a conversation with a very close friend of mine about relationships and how she should “live in the moment”!  She’s dating a new guy and really likes him, but is afraid to let her guard down because she is afraid of being hurt.  Well, my thought is, what if this is the last time she will ever have this opportunity!?!  What if this is the last “getting to know you” experience she will have?  Is she going to miss out on all of the “butterflies” because she is too afraid to open up?
I’m starting to learn that I am a hopeless romantic like my mother!  Because dating someone new doesn’t scare me, it excites me!  Because I am so eager for “butterflies” that I’m willing to take the risk of falling!  And whether I fall in love or on my face, I’m willing to take the risk!  But along the way, I just listen to the signs and trust that they will lead me in the right direction!
I guess I’ve had these instincts all along, this little voice in my head or feeling in my stomach that serves as my personal “second opinion” when it comes to making decisions.  I’m not sure if it’s the best thing to do, but nothing else has seemed to work… So I might as well give this a try!  God has blessed me with these womanly instincts and a spirit of discernment so I cannot be afraid to use them!
Table for One please… no risk, no reward… Love me or leave me alone…
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Listen to yourself! Make yourself happy! And worry about the rest later J