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Friday, July 22, 2011

A Woman's Worth

I started my car this morning and Beyonce’s song “Best Thing I Never Had” came blasting through my speakers.  As I drove to the train, I listened to the words and began to relate them to my life.
 I began to think of how I can avoid these types of situations.  How can I keep the “unworthy” people out and have respectable, loving people of integrity in my life.  A friend of mine reminded me to pray for them, to ask God to bring “worthy” people into my life and to show me a TRUE BLUE sign if they are not!  BTW: I don’t mean “worthy” in a cocky, self-centered or conceited type of way.  I simply mean I want to have people around me who share the same beliefs and attributes as me.
But then I needed to narrow it down and see what was most important.  As I ran several characteristics through my head, honesty stuck out the most.  Meaning, if I want nothing else from the people in my life, I want honesty. Now I have to be honest! (No pun intended) Learning to trust has been a struggle for me while dating.  I am by no means generalizing or assuming all men are dishonest, but I have had back to back situations end badly because of a lies.  Although I have learned not to assume the worst when dating, I can’t help but wonder if they are being honest while whispering sweet nothings in my ear…
For instance, I met a really nice man.  He was no Idris Elba (but then again who is?) *fans self* Anyway, we clicked; he was very attentive and sweet.  I had no complaints.   He gave me the attention I craved, he was always available and he did little things throughout the day to let me know he was thinking of me.  What more could I ask for?  We had long in-depth conversations filled with laughter. Several fun-filled dates and I was enjoying getting to know him. We were getting closer, but I explained to him that I wanted to take things slow.  And he agreed. No rush to get physical, we needed to take the time to get to know each other first. I really liked that. He was a little older than me, in his early thirties and things were moving along smoothly. 
I didn’t feel the need to shout to the roof tops about how much I liked this man, because there was a little something in my gut telling me to hold back.  So I said no biggie, nothing wrong with keeping my guard up.  A few months passed and things were still going great.  Then I thought, we’re friends right? Why not become facebook friends?  So I looked him up! OMG!!! He definitely had a page…and it was filled with pics of him, his wife, his kids AND the dog!!! I was floored, shocked, PISSED!!! I could not believe it.  This man had been deceiving me for months…and for what?  Although I would have never given him the time of day had I known his situation, people lie about little things as well. I mean seriously… why lie? It’s much easier to put your intentions out there… You just might get what you want!!! 
I am a very open person and my truth is just that, MY TRUTH.  So it’s hard for me to tolerate liars especially in new situations. I was going to just leave him alone, not say a word and just erase him from my memory.  But I couldn’t let it go! I had to give him a piece of my mind! And after I got it all out, I felt better. I see him from time to time and the look of shame on his face is priceless!  I don’t want any more dodged bullets, I just want honest, caring people in my life who are worthy of me! And I will match ALL OF IT in return.
Table for one please…
This is my life, my current state of mind… Love me or leave me alone
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Go out have a good time. Put on something pretty and go somewhere. Anywhere! When you feel pretty you have more fun! Well at least I do :-)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I’m Baaaaack…

Summer is here, I’m cute and it’s time to party!  Its summer 2010, my first single summer in years and I’m ready to kick it! 
In my past relationship, I was very loyal.  So, over the last few years I have had very little friends of the opposite sex, and I most definitely didn’t want to meet any new ones…For what?!?  I was in love and whatever this “new friend” wanted to do for me, I already had at home.  Well, this came back to bite me in the butt, because now that I was single, I had no one to turn to when I was lonely.  But, I was definitely ready now… Ready for new friends and new experiences…
It was time for something new.  On a night out with my girls, a night I didn’t want to go out, might I add… I met a boy! 
Have you ever had a day where no matter what you put on, you didn’t feel pretty?  Well, this was one of those days!  And understand that I have some cute friends, so I knew I’d feel inferior, but I went anyway.  I threw on a dress and was out the door…
I wore high heels, so this was one of those nights of dancing and sitting.  Oh come on now ladies, don’t act like you don’t know!  LOL…Meaning, I would get up and dance when a good song came on and then sit back down.  Toward the end of the night, a cutie pie came up and sat at my table.  He looked super young, but he was sweet.  His little approach was cool, running his game, but I wasn’t trying to hear it.  Although he was adorable, he looked like a baby!
After a few more drinks, he was growing on me.  Mr… Well, let’s just call him Mr. 007.  He was tall, dark and handsome.  But before I gave him my number, I needed to see some I.D.  Turns out, he was only one year younger than me, but his demeanor was captivating.  And the way he looked at me… Let’s just say, no one had looked at me that way in a very long time.
So, we went out…The way he spoke to me, with such authority and interacted with me in public had me swooning!  This was it!  That quick and easy, this tall (6’7” to be exact), dark, handsome and successful, might I add, man was completely into me!  I was ready to jump in headfirst but it was too soon, I had just met this man and my Mommy told me if something seems too good to be true, it almost always is.
Things quickly changed and the fairy tale ended within a matter of weeks.  I expected him to give me attention as if we were in a relationship.  I basically tried to begin my “whatever it was” with Mr. 007 where my ex and I left off.  I eventually made the decision to distance myself from him, in order to meet other people and learn what it’s like to really date.  I realized I was officially a single girl, living in a single world.  But, Mr. 007 taught me a valuable lesson… Every Mr. IS NOT Mr. Right!
GET BACK TO HAPPY TIP:  Don’t compare your situation to anyone else’s…What’s for you is for you.  Celebrate the good things in your life and the bad things will eventually become insignificant!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Bring it back, Bring it back

Ok… Seems as if I definitely need to set the record straight! I was a little eager in posting yesterday and although “Table for One” will only be updated once a week, I feel the need to clear some things up. 

I have come a long way in my journey to happiness and although I wouldn’t say I am completely there… I am well on my way! Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people? Well I have… and I thought that it would be interesting to tell my story, because there were times when I felt very alone, even with tons of family and friends there to support me.  Although I knew that people get their hearts broken everyday and bounce back… I couldn’t see it.  The “light at the end of the tunnel” was non-existent!
Slowly but surely I began to heal.  I began to do all kinds of new things and surround myself with loving people in order to do so.  I have met people in the past year and a half that will be my friends for the rest of my life.  In my case, I didn’t want to be a burden, meaning dump all of my “stuff” on those around me.  People had “real troubles” to deal with, and here I come crying about my broken heart! I just couldn’t do it…
But I’m back Boo!! LOL Really back and grateful for the journey. So grateful that I feel the need to share it! So I started from the beginning and I plan to cover it all; rebounds, baby mama drama, homie lover friends, friendship, and much more.  This is my journey…
Table for one please…
Love me or leave me alone!
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Treat yourself to something new. A pair of shoes, new earrings, a new dress… SOMETHING! It will make you smile… I promise :-)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The 1st step is Admittance!

When you smile is it a true demonstration of how you feel? Or is it merely a mask? Well I have to be honest with you, almost every time I smiled last year (2010) it was merely a mask, a cover up, a fa├žade! I was hiding my real feelings by smiling in spite of.  In spite of pain, a broken heart, loneliness, betrayal.  I was abruptly thrown into a life that I hadn’t seen in 5 years.  The Single Life…
I was truly in unfamiliar territory; my relationship had consumed my life.  Every aspect of my life either directly or indirectly related back to my relationship in some way.  So now that I was alone… What was I to do?  Well, I tricked myself! Lbvs… I refused to be unhappy, to let my ex have that much control over my life!  So I gave myself (in my mind) one week to get all of the screaming, crying, blaming, cursing and depression out of my system. Then I became the “I don’t need a man to make me happy” beautiful single woman who was enjoying my life! (So I thought)
I kept myself super busy so I wouldn’t have to think about the HUGE void in my life.  I rekindled old friendships, I started dancing, I was in someone’s bar or club every weekend, and I was just drowning myself with whatever I could! And it actually worked for a little while… Then reality settled in.
I began to wonder what I was doing, if I was truly happy… I rationalized everything by saying, I’m doing what I want, not answering to anyone and I’m having a blast! I must be happy right?? WRONG! I couldn’t sit idle, I had to stay busy, and I noticed that if I sat still for one minute my mind began to think of him.  But why? Its months later… I’m super busy “getting my groove back” Why in the hell is he on my mind?!?
It was time for me to face reality, to smell the roses, to stop faking the funk! It was time for me to TRULY get my happy back.  This is my life… My current reality…
Table for one please…
All of me, no holds barred… Love me or leave me alone!

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Go out and do something that you've always wanted to, but never had the guts!