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Thursday, July 7, 2011

The 1st step is Admittance!

When you smile is it a true demonstration of how you feel? Or is it merely a mask? Well I have to be honest with you, almost every time I smiled last year (2010) it was merely a mask, a cover up, a fa├žade! I was hiding my real feelings by smiling in spite of.  In spite of pain, a broken heart, loneliness, betrayal.  I was abruptly thrown into a life that I hadn’t seen in 5 years.  The Single Life…
I was truly in unfamiliar territory; my relationship had consumed my life.  Every aspect of my life either directly or indirectly related back to my relationship in some way.  So now that I was alone… What was I to do?  Well, I tricked myself! Lbvs… I refused to be unhappy, to let my ex have that much control over my life!  So I gave myself (in my mind) one week to get all of the screaming, crying, blaming, cursing and depression out of my system. Then I became the “I don’t need a man to make me happy” beautiful single woman who was enjoying my life! (So I thought)
I kept myself super busy so I wouldn’t have to think about the HUGE void in my life.  I rekindled old friendships, I started dancing, I was in someone’s bar or club every weekend, and I was just drowning myself with whatever I could! And it actually worked for a little while… Then reality settled in.
I began to wonder what I was doing, if I was truly happy… I rationalized everything by saying, I’m doing what I want, not answering to anyone and I’m having a blast! I must be happy right?? WRONG! I couldn’t sit idle, I had to stay busy, and I noticed that if I sat still for one minute my mind began to think of him.  But why? Its months later… I’m super busy “getting my groove back” Why in the hell is he on my mind?!?
It was time for me to face reality, to smell the roses, to stop faking the funk! It was time for me to TRULY get my happy back.  This is my life… My current reality…
Table for one please…
All of me, no holds barred… Love me or leave me alone!

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Go out and do something that you've always wanted to, but never had the guts!

7 comments:

  1. Love your honesty. You're a strong woman who will inspire and and encourage many!

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  2. This was so well put, I think every one goes through these stages in life, rather caused by losing a boyfriend,love one are just because of life. You said it best though we have to face reality and find ourselves.

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  3. Great blog Courtney! Keep it up... I'm curious to see what comes next. Each day it will get easier and you will get to know yourself better. Just be yourself, and good things will come to you, I have no doubt!

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  4. Great blog Court! I love how your feelings just seem to roll-off your mind and onto the page. Honesty is the ONLY policy...You know we like to tell it how it is (even when we probably shouldn't). So, until Mr. Right discovers you're Mrs. Right, keep enjoying the single life and keep the blog entries coming! Love ya!

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  5. i can dig it..good blog..cnt wait to see more keep it up..im sure there millions who can relate!

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  6. Kudos, Court! So glad you got your blog started! Can't wait to see what else you have in store. It's about time you put that degree (journalism) to the test! LOL... I love it! I feel like you're telling my life story! I have faith that good things are headed our way! Expect the unexpected! Keep it going! Love ya!

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  7. So proud of you for going through this journey, publicly. I wish I had your courage, but you will make it through and I can't wait to see the You on the other side. Love you.

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