Follow by Email

Friday, December 9, 2011

"If you're really a prince, I'll marry you..."

One of my favorite movies in the entire world is “Coming to America”.  It’s a side-splitting comedy about an African prince who goes to New York in hopes of finding a bride, so he won’t have to marry the princess his parents have chosen for him.  In the end, he finds love and they live happily ever after…Of course!
Isn’t that what happens in the movies?  Girl meets Boy…Girl falls in love…Boy falls too (eventually)… and they live happily ever after!  Movies have had me thinking this is what my life would be like as an adult!  Well they damn sure had me fooled!  It’s definitely not how my life has played out.
I always thought I’d be married and done having children before I turned 30… Well, I’m pretty close to 30 and that has yet to happen.  In fact, I don’t see it anywhere in my near future.  I don’t see my childhood prediction coming into fruition anytime soon. 
While dating, it’s been super difficult to encounter a man who actually wants to be in a monogamous relationship…let alone, get married!  In my experience, when we enter a relationship, as women, we are forced to wait until the man is ready to get married!  In this case, we can either stay and patiently wait until they are ready…or leave!  There really is no in-between and that is not cool, but it’s reality.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those women out in the world, dating and “looking for my husband”.  I understand that what’s for me will come to me, in due time; however, I sometimes get a little impatient and frustrated while waiting for him to arrive!  I enjoy my life, most of the time, and am grateful for the people in it, but every now and then I think of where I would like to have been in my life by now.
As a little girl, I dreamed of dressing up like a princess and having my father “give me away” to my Prince Charming… Then having beautiful children who looked like a mixture of the two of us.  I want to have the American Dream…You know, get married, have children, the white picket fence and all of that!  But, this has yet to happen.
My childhood dream has matured a bit though… Meaning, I still want to get married, but I want to have a successful, kind, loving, loyal marriage, built on trust and spirituality.  I don’t just want a wedding… I want it all… Not just the dress, but the dream… Not just the cake, but the care… Not just the songs, but the solidarity… Not just the tradition, but the trust 
Now my mother, the hopeless romantic, is optimistic and basically has my wedding planned!  I am not there yet… I simply want an honest and loving relationship that will eventually turn into a family of my own.  Life has a way of showing us that all fantasies do not become reality.  I understand that I am in the real world, living an adult life and fairy tales are just that… TALES!  Now that my reality has set-in, I believe what Grace Kelley once said to be true, The idea of my life as a fairy tale is itself a fairy tale”.
Table for One please… Living my reality… Love me or leave me alone…
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Find ways to make new memories… Living in the past will keep you stuck there!  New, good times will bring new, beautiful smiles & memories!

13 comments:

  1. This is my life Courtney! Its sad but its the truth. Sometimes I feel like why we as women have to play the "game". They say men suppose to like you more than you like them. If you like them and you show it too much they act a straight fool on you! It's a game I say... But why should I have to play this game? Aren't we grown? So yes we do have to be patient and in due time our prince will come. I have dated so many clowns! I'm tired of the circus!lbvs As my pastor once said God allow us to date the clowns so we can recognize what a clown is! When the quote on quote 1 comes we will know.

    ReplyDelete
  2. One more thing "Coming to America is my fav movie too! #classic lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Dee! My point exactly! Thanks for reading!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very well put Courtney... life is frustrating and does not turn out the way we expect/want it. However, that is kind of the beauty in life. If what we wanted came true all the time, we would not appreciate the special things in life when they came to us. Each day is a new adventure with highs and lows. It's important to want, hope, dream, but at the same time to enjoy each moment and whatever comes your way. I think you know this and have a great way of looking at things... It's not just about getting THE guy, it's about meeting your best friend. Someone that you can trust and love. Someone that respects you and makes you LAUGH. Someone to be there when things don't go as planned... I have no doubt you will meet that person one day (you deserve someone great), just try not to put a time stamp on it. Things will happen when you least expect it, cliche but true (case in point), and it might happen with the guy you would least expect; he may not be your "prince charming" but he will be your best friend. It is true that guys tend to marry when they are ready to, but you are dating guys in that age range (I think? Lol...) and when the right one comes along you will know. He will be too mature to play games and will be too afraid to lose you! In the meantime, have fun dating and getting to know what (and who) you like and don't like, you're only young once! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Katie D!! Very well put! Yep, I'm so glad I have wonderful people around me to keep me smiling... Just in case I kind of forget how truly BLESSED I am to have great, positive, encouraging people in my life, who understand EXACTLY where I'm coming from! And I'm grateful for ALL OF YOU!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Some men were raised with the Disney mentality as well. I was one of them until my earlier twenties when I woke up and saw the truth. Both sides actually plays the game. Women today really don't look for their "Prince Charming" or their "Happily Ever After." If they do, it's usually the opposite of what they preach, so why would we as men want to commit off top if there's a chance that we might be screwed over, or if she wants us just for financial security of if there's a chance we may end up raising someone else's child. However, by the time we find that good woman that isn't about playing games, that's straight-forward, mature or any other qualities we may like individually, either she has more baggage than American Airlines or we're just completely fed up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well first off I can't relate when it comes to daydreaming about a soulmate,I'm a realist. Not to say that i don't dream,but just not about relationship nor marriage. I think it's funny and kind of crazy when i hear women talking about their prince charming or the man of their dreams,LOL,wake yo ass up! This is real life. You're not 7 anymore,and you're not living inside the t.v. Who told you that you're suppose to be married,how do you know that's your fate. Maybe that's not part of God's plan for you. I commend you all for stepping into reality and out of the fairy tales,but i wonder how you ever got there. The things I believed as a child,stayed in my childhood. Hell,I stopped believing in Santa when i was seven. I will say that some men do get caught up in make believe as well,but I think men do it on purpose. "I want a woman with Stacey Dash eyes,J-Lo booty,Pocahantas hair,perky titties,etc.",well go your ass back to sleep and get her. Then to top it all off,the person wanting this doesn't have a pot to piss in,nor a window to throw it out of. So if a woman could meet that physical make-up why the hell would she want your ass. See when men do it,they're just intentionally making things difficult. Even a man who qualifies for that type of woman. Who the hell is born that flawless. "The more prettier and perfected she is,the more problems she's coming with." Men will create these mythological figures just to have an excuse not to commit. Some men use as an excuse for them being unable to attract a woman. All and all,its a load of crap. How can a man expect this when we're logical thinkers. We know better. Good relationships aren't found or created,they just happen. You can build a mediocre relationship into a beautiful one. But to just think like hey,I'm looking for this or I'm waiting for that is far fetched. When you meet someone that you like,don't rate,catergorize,or judge them. Watch for the qualities you would like to see,the qualities they possess,and common interests or disinterested. Look for communication lines,,goal orientations,ask questions about things that really matter and questions about hypothetical situations that would present obstacles in a relationship. When the person gives a hypothetical answer,don't take it and run with it,its only for you to see the character they would like to have. Keep in mind they can only say what they would like to do if their foot was in that shoe. Until it actually is they really don't know. This just allows you to see how the person thinks. I think people get to caught up in what society says you're suppose to do in a relationship instead of just doing what makes them feel good. Stop thinking marriage,being a player,or being a parent,just be happy. If you think you want marriage,a relationship,children,multiple sleeping partners,and the situation presents itself,then go for it. Just be sure to take time and think about whether or not you are prepred for what you're getting into. For every action there's a reaction. No offense Courtney,but your mother planning your wedding,she needs to stop. Is she going to date him to make sure he's right for you as well. How does she know that you're going to be married? How does she know that you'll marry a man? Parents,especially mothers,too often plan their child's life. Teach your child to live life on life terms. Don't create a facade based on what you think life is suppose to be. Create your own circle of what you want life to be. If it includes people,hope for the best and expect the worse. Build a circle with individuals who want what you want. You never know what you're going to get in life. You only know what you want,and what you're going to work toward. So,live life on life's terms.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think it’s so great that we can have this conversation. Let me first say, THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING CERTAIN THINGS OUT OF LIFE!!! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship or wanting to have a successful marriage. Just because you want something, doesn't mean that it’s for you (I agree with you there) but that shouldn't/doesn't stop you from wanting it. I think there is a difference between wanting something for yourself and becoming consumed by that want! As, for my mother and her wants for me, I don’t think it’s abnormal for a parent to want the best for their child… She understands my wants and is just a little eager for them to happen. Lmbo!! Success, I never said I sat up and daydreamed about a soul mate! LOL that would make me borderline crazy! I did however say, that I want certain things out of a relationship when/if I enter one. Yes, what's for me is for me, I'm not sure what that is, but it IS NOT unrealistic or childish to want these things. As I stated in the post, my childhood "dreams" "thoughts" or however you want to name them have matured. Meaning as an adult, I'm not, nor have I ever been "sitting up daydreaming" for love. I am not searching the world for a perfect man, because he is non-existent. I am not perfect so why would I expect perfection from a mate! Your reply makes my post sound so immature and shallow. I never once mentioned anything about looks, status, personality or anything to make you think I was trying to piece together the perfect man! What’s wrong with women admitting and understanding what they want? It’s funny that when it comes to single women wanting a relationship and speaking on it… it’s often COMPLETLY blown out of proportion and turned into some weird obsession or unrealistic dream. I am simply stating what I want in life. AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ Success, everyone is entiled to their opinion and here is mine. This is Courtney's mom. I have not picked the venue, set the date or ordered my dress. I know however that my daughter would make a beautiful bride, a devoted wife and a great mother. Yes, I would like to see our family legacy continue, I'm not obsessed with it however. I'm very proud of the WOMEN, my daughter has become, so anything else that comes later is extra!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love & Faith are a lot alike.. To have them you pretty much have to throw logic out the window. You will always have people saying be realistic or be logical. They will say you can't do this or this won't happen for you. They will knock what you want because the things they want don't happen for them. Well I'ma let you know, through God all can happen. You want a prince to come sweep you off your feet, it can happen. Don't let anyone tell you other wise. Can't go off of what people say is logical and realistic. Go off of your praise to the most high and the fact that he is able. You'll notice that logical people are usually negative. Why can't logic be positive? I'll close with this. Women have to realize that you are special, and by you being special God is taking his time selecting your husband. While you are patiently waiting, use some time and energy to get closer to him. Then maybe he will open your future husbands eyes so he can find you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @Kj-I think it was very unintelligent of you to say that logic should be thrown out the window. Why would you rid sound judgement when considering the person you may want to spend the rest of your life with? BTW,that's a rhetorical question. By nature men are logical individuals. Are you gay? Rhetorical question also. No disrespect,I had to ask. You're coming off very lady like in your rebuttals. God blesses me with more than I ask for and need. This is not envy,jealousy,or anything remotely similar. Then you tell this lady thru God she can receive a prince charming. Where in the Bible does it speak about "prince charming" or a man coming to "sweep you off your feet"? Another rhetorical question. Logic is very positive,but you're attempting to make it out to be negative. I will however, agree with you closing statements. Those were the most enlightening ones you made. @Courtney-It was not my intentions to demean your post. I do think you may have misinterpreted a few things but that's all.

    ReplyDelete
  12. its true everyone is titled to there opinion from there own personal experiences and im sure Table4one is from the writer of the blogs blief. Now Success if you feel so strongly about this subject the incorrect way to xpress it is by debating on this blog as if it is yours as if it will deter the writers or the followers of this blog feeling towards it..perhaps you have a blog? you wrote enuff under this subject to start your own!

    Not saying that you are wrong either but its YOUR OPINION! My opinion is the what we bleav will happen subconsciously will happen exactly. Deep down inside we all know what we bleav we can or cant do..rather we express it or not. Just like you stated what you wanted was unrealistic..(I will say that some men do get caught up in make believe as well,but I think men do it on purpose. "I want a woman with Stacey Dash eyes,J-Lo booty,Pocahantas hair,perky titties,etc.",well go your ass back to sleep and get her. ) SINCE YOU THINK IT IS UNREALISTIC it wont be a REALITY 4 YOU!..that is the difference between SUCCESSful people n unsuccessful people ..IM SURE JAYZ never thought he would get BEYONCE until he changed his thinking..became rich ...changed his beliefs...and there u have it.

    And i totally disagree w wat ur saying about children make believing. Everything that exist in this world was creating from a thought that was an idea which was make-bleaved! Im sure ppl thought the same thing for the LIghtBULB or perhaps the AIRplane b4 it was designed! think in the box n you will limit yourslf to whats n the box.. its called FAITH..bleaving things that you cant see. DO YOU BLEAV in GOD ...success??

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Key to Life-How are you gone tell me what's appropriate for this site,isn't that Courtney's place? This is a blog site. That's what it's for. Everyone who posts on this site is not going to always agree with the publisher. Somethings are going to be debated,and some things are going to be mostly agreed upon. Notice I said mostly,there will never be a time where everyone will agree. That would be perfection. Why would I want to deter the writers when I enjoy reading and posting here. I think you and Kj need to man up. Yall just telling these women what they want to hear,either cause you think like a woman or you want to be with this one or another one on this site. Oh and BTW,i'm starting my own blog and i'm still going to come on here and post more than a mouthful when i read something I would like to comment on,until Courtney Nicole Nichols tells me otherwise. Excuse me for feeling a bit petard by the misleadings you men are posting. Excuse me again for assuming you're a man. Are you a man? I'm what you would call an Educator and Motivator. I use my life experiences and the wisdom God has given me to enlighten,advise,instruct,and help others. When I encounter people,especially women,that I can give helpful advice to,I do so. The women of my generation and on down are lacking a lot of positive leadership from older men and women. A lot of men just want to use and abuse women. That's why it's hard for women to conquer the relationship/marriage aspect of their dreams. Everyone should know the difference between fantasy and reality. Fantasy is when you talk about a prince charming sweeping you off your feet,or a woman who has no physical flaws. Reality is wanting a man that loves you for who you are and wanting to meet that man thru a friendly gesture. Reality is wanting a woman who loves you for who you are and is going to stick by your side for richer or poorer,and knowing that all brawn usually lacks a lot of brains. Yes I think it's unrealistic to try and create a television image of the woman you want to be with. The women on tv don't even really look the way we see them. I'm sure when Beyonce came about Jay knew he could have this woman whose like ten or more years younger than him in all aspects of life. In the mythological description I gave,I said pocohantas hair. Beyonce wears weave. I think you took a lot of what I said and ran with it. You ran a relay race with my "ish". As I stated in my previous post,God blesses me with more than I need and ask for. That statement should have already answered your query about my belief in God. Thru God all things are possible,but don't go to the big homie with bull****(prince charming,being swept off my feet,a woman that looks like the one I saw on tv). BTW,Beyonce wasn't even on the scene yet when Jay was acquiring riches and changing his beliefs. And i'm sure he always knew he could be rich if the man was really moving bricks before he started rapping for a living. I think you should think more before you speak. When the man thought about the light bulb,there was no light. That wasn't unrealistic. Make believe is something being told for your entertainment. Something you shouldn't even try to bring to life. Don't compare it to copyrighting your idea/creation. My cousin and I did that. It wasn't make believe. We thought of something people needed that didn't already exist. We came up with the idea for tub liners. Just as the person who created the light bulb,airplane,tv,etc. There's a thin line between thinking outside the box and being unrealistic. I would also like to say that I think it's great for a woman to want to be married. Just don't put all your time and effort into it until it happens. If you do choose to put a lot of energy in this area then be willing to go out and get what you want instead of waiting on it to come fall in your lap.

    ReplyDelete