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Friday, May 25, 2012

Don't Judge A Book...


“I'm pretty, but I'm not beautiful.
I'm sin, but I'm not the devil.
I'm good, but I'm not an angel.
I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.” -  Marilyn M.

 

What is love? What is happiness? What is confidence? These are all questions that can be answered differently, depending on who you ask and at what time. I have always struggled with the fact that perception is reality… meaning, people view you as who you are through their perception and this can sometimes be the total opposite of the person you really are. This is a personal struggle of mine… to know that perception is IN FACT reality.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”  - Marilyn M.

 

It’s also very easy to say, “I don’t care what people think, I know who I am, and I’m a great person”. But, if these great attributes are not being perceived properly, then that should say something to you… Well, it did for me, at least! When I am down and out and in the dumps, it’s NO SECRECT!! I’m pitiful and looking for the world’s shoulder to cry on. I may sometimes vent on Twitter or Facebook (which IS NOT recommended) to get some things off my chest! These rants can change my followers’/friends’ entire perception of the person they think I am! But once again, PERCEPTION is REALITY.

“I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved for myself & for my talent.”  - Marilyn M.

I have since found a different way to deal with stressful times, because even though what others think of me shouldn’t impact who I am, it does! I don’t want to be known as the crybaby, never happy, ungrateful, attention seeking woman. I want to be viewed as the happy, content, supportive, and confident woman that I am, who happens to fall down every once in a while. And falling is okay, as long as you get up and not lie there and wallow in the dirt.

“Just because you fall once, doesn't mean you're gonna fall at everything. Keep trying, hold on, & always trust yourself, because if you don't then who will?” - Marilyn M.

One case that I think of where perception WAS NOT reality is the life of Marilyn Monroe.  She was perceived as America’s sex symbol, a beautiful, confident woman who every man desired.  When in actuality she was insecure and was desperate for love.

“I just want to be wonderful.” - Marilyn M.
 

Recently I’ve found a new favorite television show, it’s called SMASH, which just had its season finale last Monday on NBC. It’s about the making of a Broadway SMASH hit.  The hit they are working on is a musical about the life of Marilyn Monroe. And how at the end of her days she was alone… beautiful, successful, loved from afar, but alone. 

“Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.”  - Marilyn M.

SMASH taught me a few things about how I perceive people. I always thought that beautiful people were happy and rich people were comfortable. That successful people were fulfilled and calm people had everything under control. But these are all perceptions that I create through my own judgment and these things are not always true. I’ve learned to get to know the people that I interact with and not let things they say in a moment or reactions they have during emotional times build their character. 

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”  - Marilyn M.


Table for One please… Learning and growing… Love me or leave me alone!

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Learn to be happy with yourself and the opinions of others won’t matter as much.

Friday, May 18, 2012

My Daily Struggle

I would not consider myself to be SUPER religious; however, I am a believer and I feel that attending church plays a big part in my sanity! I love my church… it’s a non-judgmental, comfortable environment where I feel I can be myself. And whether I need to cry (which is what usually happens), scream, shout, dance, or say absolutely nothing at all… its ok! And I absolutely love that! It fills me up, rejuvenates me, and prepares me for the challenges I will face in the future. 
I often say that I know what I am looking for in a relationship, when in actuality I shouldn’t be looking at all! I try my best not to, but the “Superwoman” in me can’t help but look for certain attributes when dating someone. I try to recognize what I’ve learned in church about relationships because I feel that a true, long-lasting, and successful relationship cannot survive without some type of religious involvement.  Like I said, I am not SUPER religious, but it does play a big role in my life!
I am not one of those single women who sit up and pray for God to send me a man! I just can’t bring myself to do it! I know that what God has for me is for me, so I don’t feel that these types of prayers are necessary. However, I do pray for patience and the willpower to not settle for anything that I am not completely satisfied with in my life. My prayer for patience has definitely been answered. I’ve noticed that although I am not completely where I want to be with my virtue of patience, I’ve come a LONG way. I have found that when I have been impatient, I usually receive instant gratification and then easily become bored or dissatisfied with what I have gotten myself into. So, I’ve learned to sit back and relax. And although this has been a struggle for me, I like where it’s brought me…
But as we all know, once one thing goes well, something else goes wrong and my current struggle is one that I am constantly working on. I love quotes and one I read the other day slapped me right in my face!
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”
The reason I was so affected by this quote is because I have been worried about several aspects of my life lately, even the small stuff! And as I vent to family and friends their nonchalant responses to my worries were almost insulting! I couldn’t understand why they weren’t as affected by any of the “problems” I faced! When I saw this quote I realized that the “problems” weren’t my issue, it was my fear of what “could” happen “if” something went wrong! Have you ever wanted something SO badly that you sabotaged it before it could even happen?!? Well, I think that’s what I was in the process of doing! I am not perfect and I do make mistakes and that’s my daily struggle, learning to recover from the mistakes I’ve made!
My current prayer is to not have a worrying spirit… what is meant to be will be and worrying will not stop the inevitable, so until then I plan to…
“Work like I don't need the money, love like my heart has never been broken, and dance like no one is watching.”

Wish me luck… My daily struggle…

Table for One please… lots of work to do… love me or leave me alone…

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Leave your worries behind and LIVE YOUR LIFE!

Friday, May 4, 2012

The Dating Game

Do people REALLY date anymore? I mean, truly get to know each other and interact without physical gratification!?! I understand that this is not what some people are looking for. I know that some people don’t want to date because they are too afraid of being hurt. They’d rather meet people and have these meaningless encounters to fill space and they are satisfied with that! But that’s just not for me… I’m way too emotional for all of that!
Don’t get me wrong; I tried it. I’ve had a few meaningless encounters in my day, but I’m off that and ready for something a little more concrete. But most of the men I’ve come in contact with are not willing to actually date or “court” women, as my Granny Grip used to say! I think it’s because women are not making this a requirement! It all boils down to self-worth. I know I’m worth it ALL… The wait, the joy, the laughter, the loyalty, a relationship!
I haven’t always been here though… Actually knowing my worth. But more recently, I’ve realized that patience is a virtue and when you rush into situations or use excuses to make them something that they aren’t, you can get into trouble. I pray for patience daily, especially when it comes to dating because I’m so eager for the feeling, I could easily get bamboozled (for lack of better words!). I’m grateful that, lately, my prayers have been answered and I’m able to dig down deep and find a little patience.
I’m really saddened by the lack of accountability women allow when dating someone. I was speaking to my aunt the other day, who asked a simple question… a question I couldn’t answer! “How long are you willing to “date” a man before things get serious?” And I don’t think she meant in a physical sense, I think she meant emotionally… and I, for ONCE in my life, was speechless. But now, as I have a conversation about dating with a few of my friends on Twitter I understand my silence…
I guess I my instincts were giving my answer, because I know my reason for not answering but couldn’t put it into words, until now… I am a woman who wants a relationship… That is definitely known. However, I WILL NOT jump through hoops, change who I am, lower my standards, or try to wear the pants in ANY dating situation because of what I want. I understand that a man should seek me and I’ve got to learn some patience in order for that to happen! My eagerness, sometimes, gets the best of me, which is something I’m working on daily… But when it’s time, he (whoever “he” may be) will make it happen…
Dating is fun! Why mess it up by jumping the gun and potentially ruining a situation that could be one of substance, just for some instant gratification? Now, I’m not saying that it should never happen, but it’s so much better when an actual connection is made because it’s appreciated more! Well at least in my experience, when waiting IS NOT an issue or something that is even discussed, priorities can get completely mixed up. I’m enjoying my current dating life and not feeling any pressure for anything! But as I said previously, you have to know your worth and what YOU want, and not everyone is ready for that. If you are looking for an interaction of substance, you have to act accordingly. Being “courted” is very rare these days and it takes a very patient woman to actually hold men up to these standards. And in actuality, I’d prefer not having to hold the person I’m dating up to these standards because it will be something they are looking for as well! I am patient and I think it’s paying off!
Table for One please… knowing what I want… love me or leave me alone :-)
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Waiting is never fun.  So, it’s okay to distract yourself while waiting for what you really want to come around.  Plus, you never know what may happen…