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Friday, March 30, 2012

Because I've Got FAITH!

I love Twitter; it gives me the opportunity to express myself and converse with people from all over the world.  And for the most part, my tweets are pretty positive.  But every now and then, I get a little down and want to express those feelings. So, I have a question for you: 
Do you believe that it is possible to be grateful and unhappy at the same time?
I tweeted this the other day:
“I am grateful for what I have in my life, but I am not happy.”
It sparked up a conversation with a few of my followers that made me want to express my reason for tweeting this a little further.  I just really wonder if this is possible… to be grateful, yet unhappy… For instance, some people are grateful for their job, but are not happy in it. 
See, my biggest fear is for my gratefulness and faith to go unrecognized… I don’t want to have things taken away from me (or not given to me at all) because I am ungrateful for my current position in life.  I have tricked myself into believing I was happy in the past, so are these feelings of gratefulness pure?  Or are they forced because I know that I am supposed to be grateful?
I feel selfish, like I am complaining (and have been for a while now) about my current place in life and I am so much more blessed than other people in this world.  But I need physical validation for my happiness.  Does that make sense?  Tangible, real-life, undeniable proof that as a single, beautiful, loyal, honest, open, yet dissatisfied woman, I still have things to be grateful for. 
I know that I have a lot of personal growth to do… to become happy with myself; my problem seems to be concentrating on what I don’t have, instead of what I do.  I had a coworker walk up to me during my lunch break early last week, and tell me that my attitude is so positive that he wants me to stop by his office and say hi, just like I do the person whose office is next door to his…LOL!  He says he wants me to stop by and give him just as much joy as I give everyone else.  How amazing is that?  That was truly shocking, because of all days for him to tell me this… he chooses a day when I’m feeling very down and holding back tears, as I feel sorry for myself…
I now see that what I perceive others to have, in fact may not be the case.  Because, obviously, the perception others have of me is completely different than how I see myself sometimes.  I am not some sad, “woe is me” person, who is a ball of emotions EVERYDAY.  But I do have those days and it’s interesting to see how people actually view me, and it makes me think…  Am I doing the same for others?  Is the grass really greener on the other side?  Because from where I’m standing, the grass is green, flowers are bloomed, beautiful butterflies are flying around and music is playing…LOL!  It just looks to be so much better.
I’m finding that this journey called life is just that… a journey.  I know that I’ve still got a long way to go before I actually find my way… my purpose… my joy.  So, I’m going to try not to be so sad while waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.  And I KNOW it’s coming!  I just know it… Because I’ve got FAITH!
“Just because you can’t see the air, doesn’t stop you from breathing.  And just because you can’t see God, doesn’t stop you from believing.  That’s what you call faith”.
– The Preacher’s Wife

Table for One please… I STILL believe… Love me or leave me alone…
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Faith… Even if it’s the size of a mustard seed is enough to get you through any rough patch! Have faith that what you are waiting for will come! And if it’s for you IT WILL COME!   

Friday, March 23, 2012

Contagious Joy

When I was a child, I hardly ever got into trouble, but when I did it was for silly things, like talking too much in class or laughing uncontrollably.  Yes, I was the silly kid that all teachers despise; I would hear or see something silly and laugh for ridiculous amounts of time at something that probably wasn’t very funny to begin with.  And this wasn’t a fake laugh, it was an out loud, tear jerking, hold your stomach laugh!
But as I’ve grown up and experienced LIFE, I sometimes wish I could go back to the 10-year-old little girl with no worries and no reasons needed to laugh.  To laugh just for the hell of it is a wonderful thing!  I believe laughter is therapeutic… Have you ever been in a room with someone who started laughing at something that you didn’t feel was funny at all, but all of a sudden you are laughing right along with them!?!  This happens to me all of the time…Maybe it’s because I’m silly, but trust me, I take joy any way I can get it and this kind, the effortless kind, it’s the best!
I am loud… Always have been, especially when I am “in my feelings” joy, pain, hurt, anger or fear, so it’s only natural that when I laugh everyone around me will feel my joy!  And that’s a wonderful thing, to spread joy, you should try it, they say that misery loves company but lately, I’ve tried to be in the company of happy people.  When I’m sad and feeling sorry for myself, I usually stay to myself and shut my friends and family out.  This is not something they are used to because I’m usually an “in your face”, “pay attention to me”, “I want ALL of the attention” type of girl!  So I’ve tried to surround myself with people that make me happy, whether it’s close friends or my mother, a guy I’m dating or my godson…When the people around me are happy, so am I.
Some people don’t ever laugh… They are down and out and in the dumps ALL OF THE TIME! I just can’t do it!  I can probably walk around for a few days with a “woe is me” attitude, but after a while I have to snap myself out of that mess… It’s exhausting, feeling sorry for yourself, who wants to live like that!?!  NOT ME!
As I watched one of my favorite movies Sex and the City the other day, one of the scenes really screamed “GET YOURSELF TOGTHER, COURTNEY”!
Carrie: Will I ever laugh again?  Miranda: Yes.  Carrie: When?  Miranda: When something's really, really funny. -Sex and the City
Table for One please… giggling every chance I get… Love me or leave me alone!
BACK TO HAPPY TIP:  Have you heard the term: “Dance like no one’s watching”?  Well, it’s time to laugh like no one’s watching and trust me, they are and more than likely, they’ll join in on the fun!

Friday, March 16, 2012

A Forgiving Heart

Are you forgiving?  I mean really, truly forgiving?  I know I try to be, but only when it’s granted. It actually takes a lot of strength to be forgiving; to take your feelings out of a situation and forgive the person who has wronged, hurt, angered, or WHATEVERED (yes, I made up a word) you!  I’m pretty sure it all boils down to the bigger situation and if it’s actually worth it.  But, that’s a personal choice.
Before you decide to forgive someone, do you come up with grounds for whether or not they should be forgiven or is it a choice you make, regardless of their reasoning?  I, for one, am a pretty good judge of a meaningful apology and that’s usually all it takes.  I mean, we are talking about minor, non-life changing, silly, but still significant situations that can be corrected.  I mean, who are we to judge?  The most unforgiving people usually are in the wrong or in wrong situations themselves.  I wonder why that is?
I wonder where I would be in my life if God didn’t forgive me for the things I do wrong DAILY!?!?!  No seriously, He’s perfect and He forgives us all of the time…I don’t know about y’all, but I’m human; which means, I am nowhere close to perfect and I DO make mistakes.  But I feel that it’s all about the recovery…What do you do to right the wrongs you’ve made!?!  And with that being said, how much effort is considered enough?
When I feel I am wrong, I always admit it.  I know that my big personality can sometimes get me into situations that hurt others, not often, but things happen.  Because honestly, people hurt my feelings, say mean things, leave me hanging, lie, and disrespect me all of the time!  But I’ve learned that in this life we are not ALWAYS in control of everything (even though we want to be) and sometimes SHIT HAPPENS!  But we have to decide whether the relationship, be it romantic, platonic, professional or casual is worth the work to mend broken bridges and the same with bridges that are already broken.  For instance, past relationships that ended badly or friendships that will never be the same…
I will always be forgiving because I know that I make mistakes.  And please don’t get me wrong, I am in no way, shape or form using apologies as a scapegoat because they should be sincere, but just like you get a gut feeling about a person’s character when you first meet them, you can use those same feelings when it comes to forgiveness.  And if you choose to forgive, do JUST that, because if you have to revisit the situation over and over again, did you truly forgive!?!
I will continue to live my life and take the good with the bad, the perfections and the flaws, the rights and the wrongs because when a PERSON is engaging in relationships that are sincere, mistakes WILL happen…The true test is all about the recovery.  I am grateful for my forgiving heart, do you have one?
Table for One please… imperfectly human… Love me or leave me alone…  
BACK TO HAPPY TIP:  Please gain a forgiving heart (if you don’t already have one). Holding grudges can weigh you down and if the person is that unimportant why give them the power to allow you to carry the baggage of the things they’ve done to hurt you?? FORGIVENESS is a selfless yet impacting virtue that we should all strive to live through.

Friday, March 9, 2012

I Won't Complain

I’ve been in quite the rut lately.  I can’t even fake the funk; I’ve been looking at those around me and comparing their situations to my own.  I’m looking at what they have personally, professionally, and financially and realizing that I am in a completely different place in all of those areas.  That’s not the way to live this life!  I mean if I walk around trying to see if I measure up to those around me, I will never be satisfied with where I am!  I’ve got to snap out of this!  I am, indeed, very blessed and this pity party that I‘m giving myself only has one guest and that’s me!
I’ve had some bad days over these last couple weeks, but I’ve had some great ones too! Why do we give the bad stuff in our lives so much more validity than the good stuff!?!  So what, over the last few weeks I’ve had maybe 3 bad days, but the rest have been great!  I had an amazing time at my birthday party…I hung out with family and friends, I danced, sang karaoke, and I even had a chance to do a little public speaking all in the last couple weeks, so what is there to be down about?!?  I’m not quite sure, but for some reason when those bad days come around, I forget about all of the things I should be grateful for.
My mom introduced me to a song when I was younger that never really had much impact until I got older.  The song says, “All of my good days, outweigh my bad days, so I won’t complain…”.  This song speaks to me more today than it ever has, so much so that I find myself humming it often as I try to make it through these more and more prevalent bad days.  But the crazy thing is that my bad days really aren’t so bad after all.  I know my life isn’t perfect, but I’m not hungry, I have a job, I have a car, a loving family and fantastic friends… And I have the nerve to complain!
To be honest with you, I’m kind of frustrated with myself; I just get in these moods where I want more… Is that greedy?  Is God keeping me where I am in life because I don’t seem to be grateful for what I do have?  As I write this, I am starting to think that this may be the case.  I have set goals and I am working toward accomplishing them…I have lost 21 pounds, I am making steps toward advancing in my career, I am actively saving for a home… I am taking huge steps toward becoming the person I want to be.
So right here, right now, I am going to make a conscious effort to be grateful.  What God has for me IS FOR ME!  I just have to learn to practice a little more patience, because who knows, this could all be a test!  And I want to get an A!
Table for One please… preparing to pass the test… Love me or leave me alone…
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Realize that this is your life to live and you should live it taking the good with the bad.  And the good ALWAYS outweighs the bad.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Weddings & Babies... Weddings & Babies...

All around me, there is love & life!  I am so happy for all of my friends who have found love and are adding to their families.  It’s no secret that my mother, the hopeless romantic is ready for me to have a baby.  In fact, last Tuesday (my birthday) we had “the talk” for the 100th time.  She explained that she is not going to wait much longer for me to find the “man of my dreams” and get married!  I only have two more years to get pregnant and have a baby!  LOL!  She is very serious about this… And don’t get me wrong, I would like to have children, but in my own way…
She is not tryna hear that at all!  There are certain things I expected to happen in my life and although things haven’t quite turned out like I envisioned, I have to live with what I’ve got.  How do you think I feel?  With the exception of a select few, almost all of my friends are currently in love, married, engaged, or pregnant!  And I am very happy for them, but I can’t help but think, “I wish that was me”!
Did I do something wrong along the way?  Is karma finding some strange way to get back at me for laughing at the kid in kindergarten who had an accident during naptime or for teasing my little brother for being too short to get on the roller coasters at Six Flags?  I mean seriously… Why isn’t any of this great stuff happening to me!?!
I am SO NOT trying to have a pity party, it’s just something that’s been on my mind lately.  I don’t want to end up the single old lady with no children because I was too afraid to take control of my life!  What’s a girl to do?
Dating has been really hard lately…the ones I like, don’t like me, and the ones that do like me, either don’t want to be in a relationship, want to have their cake and eat it too, or they can’t handle the bold, opinionated, “say what’s on my mind” woman that I am… But, is changing who I am the way to get what I am looking for?  They say that patience is a virtue… But, haven’t I been patient enough?
I used to want a wedding… Just for superficial reasons, but now I realize that I want a marriage, a companion, life partner to make decisions and have children with.  I refuse to just have a child because my sunshine has yet to come.  I know my worth and I refuse to settle by dating someone I’m not interested in or someone who doesn’t see me as worthy enough to be number one in their life!
Like my pastor says, "If good things are happening to those around you then God must be in the neighborhood!" So I will continue to be happy for my loved ones, and for all that is happening in their lives and try to wait patiently for the same to happen to me! :-)
Table for One please… A little frustrated… Love me or leave me alone…
BACK TO HAPPY TIP:  Be grateful for what you DO have, because someone is looking at you wishing they were in YOUR shoes.  (I’m talking to myself with this one.)