All around me, there is love & life! I am so happy for all of my friends who have found love and are adding to their families. It’s no secret that my mother, the hopeless romantic is ready for me to have a baby. In fact, last Tuesday (my birthday) we had “the talk” for the 100th time. She explained that she is not going to wait much longer for me to find the “man of my dreams” and get married! I only have two more years to get pregnant and have a baby! LOL! She is very serious about this… And don’t get me wrong, I would like to have children, but in my own way…
She is not tryna hear that at all! There are certain things I expected to happen in my life and although things haven’t quite turned out like I envisioned, I have to live with what I’ve got. How do you think I feel? With the exception of a select few, almost all of my friends are currently in love, married, engaged, or pregnant! And I am very happy for them, but I can’t help but think, “I wish that was me”!
Did I do something wrong along the way? Is karma finding some strange way to get back at me for laughing at the kid in kindergarten who had an accident during naptime or for teasing my little brother for being too short to get on the roller coasters at Six Flags? I mean seriously… Why isn’t any of this great stuff happening to me!?!
I am SO NOT trying to have a pity party, it’s just something that’s been on my mind lately. I don’t want to end up the single old lady with no children because I was too afraid to take control of my life! What’s a girl to do?
Dating has been really hard lately…the ones I like, don’t like me, and the ones that do like me, either don’t want to be in a relationship, want to have their cake and eat it too, or they can’t handle the bold, opinionated, “say what’s on my mind” woman that I am… But, is changing who I am the way to get what I am looking for? They say that patience is a virtue… But, haven’t I been patient enough?
I used to want a wedding… Just for superficial reasons, but now I realize that I want a marriage, a companion, life partner to make decisions and have children with. I refuse to just have a child because my sunshine has yet to come. I know my worth and I refuse to settle by dating someone I’m not interested in or someone who doesn’t see me as worthy enough to be number one in their life!
Like my pastor says, "If good things are happening to those around you then God must be in the neighborhood!" So I will continue to be happy for my loved ones, and for all that is happening in their lives and try to wait patiently for the same to happen to me! :-)
Table for One please… A little frustrated… Love me or leave me alone…
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Be grateful for what you DO have, because someone is looking at you wishing they were in YOUR shoes. (I’m talking to myself with this one.)