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Thursday, August 11, 2011


To settle or not to settle? That is the question…

As I sit and watch an episode of VH1's new hit show “Single Ladies”, I have realized that I could sooooo be a character on this show!  Now, there's Val, the woman who has it all!  Her own business, wonderful friends, a beautiful home, but no LOVE... Keisha is the vixen and desired by most of the men she meets!  A beautifully independent woman, who views dating as freely and frivolously as men…but she may have actually found love this time around.  Lastly there's April; she had the perfect marriage, but became bored in her relationship and cheated on her husband.  She is now going through an unwanted divorce.  All that's missing is me; the recently single, confident, cute and outgoing woman who wants to have fun dating, but is never approached by the men she considers to be "worth it..."

Fits right in, huh?

I have great friends in my life, one of whom is my mother; I talk to her about almost everything!  So it’s just natural for me to go to her for advice and to vent when I need to… Frustrating situations from dating come up often and she always tells me, I have to love who loves me.  It took me a while to understand what she was truly saying.  I was finding that the men I was attracted to were not attracted to me.  But I refused to settle.  I’m not going to date the cross-eyed dude in the FUBU outfit just because he’s attracted to me…I do have standards!!  But I did give myself a little leeway and gave men that I normally wouldn’t give the time of day, a chance. To learn to try something new, but not necessarily settle.

My friends and I struggle with this situation daily!  As you already know, I have some pretty hot friends and most of them are single and battling the same demon as me.  I read an article the other day that hit a little close to home…The article was called “Eleven Reasons Why Beautiful Women Have Trouble Finding Mr. Right”.  I am not generally the self-help, “help me find a man” article reading type of girl, but this one caught my eye!
It gave several reasons why beautiful women can’t find what they are looking for.  One that particularly caught my eye talked about “the hunter”.  It read: The more attractive the woman, the more likely she will be approached by the kind of man who approaches attractive women.  This kind of man views hunting, seducing and conquering women as a sport.  The article references this type of behavior as a game, and once the “game” is won, he’s no longer interested.  As you look at the behavior of some of the men you know…is this true?  I can only speak for myself and they hit it right on the head!!
Next, they talked about what I face most, not being approached!  It read: The more attractive the woman, the less likely she will be approached by a man who wants a relationship.  It is very unlikely that a man will approach a woman who he feels is more attractive than he is.  So basically, the article is telling me that an attractive man who wants a relationship is non-existent!
Well, not non-existent, just a very rare breed…I refuse to believe this, that a good guy, who is attractive with great attributes doesn’t exist!!!
So ladies, what are we to do?  Should we scale down our cute clothes, make-up and hair so we can be considered more approachable?  Well, I refuse!  I can’t help that I’m fabulous!

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Concentrate on making yourself better!  Once you learn to love yourself, it won’t be too long before someone else joins you!

1 comment:

  1. Love will happen when it happens. There is no rhyme or reason. No such thing as logical love. So to try to understand it or how to get it is simply a waist of thinking. Speaking for myself I love a challenge, as most MEN do. So if it was a challenge to get you, let it be a challenge to keep you too. Real men don't dig complacency... Kj

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