Single BLACK Female (Part 3)

We are still having the discussion on the this very opinionated article I read a few weeks ago. I feel that its important that strong Black women not only discuss these outrageous stereotypes this writer has attached to us, but to give our opinions validity.  Michele Mosley has given us her opinion and I'm sure you'll enjoy what she has to say.  By the way, feel free to join the discussion in the comments section! Thanks

I must say that after reading the article, “The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely”, I was truly shocked by what I read. The author, who has clearly not been an active part of a black church, or the right black church is so misguided; what a shame! I am not just saying that because I was raised in church or because I met my fiancé in church, but because during this article she states that we are taught by our pastors we should “seek a God-fearing man”, when in all actuality HE SHOULD SEEK US. In no way should a woman be looking for her husband and if she is, it’s probably why she’s attracting clownery! Men are men no matter where you go. Go to church to seek GOD, not a man!

I have to strongly disagree with her thought that the pastors of such churches are the reason women are still single. I have seen nothing but examples of loving, healthy and positive marriages in my church. In the instances where couples opted to get divorced for whatever reason, that’s between them and God. Yes my pastor would suggest counseling to help repair the circumstances, but the ultimate decision is theirs. I think that narrowing the men in church to four different types as she did is shallow and misleading. Yes there are some fools everywhere, including church, but we as women have to learn how to be selective in whom we CHOOSE, YES CHOOSE to be with. It is our choice ladies! We don’t have to be with every guy who shows an interest in us. It makes us as women seem desperate and needy. Learn to be selective!

Most women believe that when they meet a man in church he has it all together, when in all actuality a church is no different than a hospital; people come there to be healed and they’re still battling with their spirit and flesh, trying to be made whole. In no way does the right pastor insinuate that if you get a man in church he’s the man for you. STOP LOOKING FOR A MAN TO COMPLETE YOU. The Bible describes a good man as a man of valor, or courage, but these are the guys that are usually overlooked in church. Maybe we as women should pray for God to change our attractions. Do we not think there is a reason we are always ending up with the same type of guy? Rather we met him at the club, the gym or church, in 9 months we’re crying to our girlfriends again about how he broke our hearts. Why? Because we keep dating the same guy in different clothes; Timbs, jogging pants or a suit makes him no different! Don’t date outside the
church, date outside your type!

I am currently engaged and planning a wedding to the most beautiful guy inside and out. However, it took him 30 years to find me. I had to sit back and wait patiently and while it wasn't always easy, it was all worth it. We as women should take the time to learn and love us, but have fun while we’re waiting on the one for us. Learn that we can meet a man in church, the grocery store or the train station and still date, get married and have children while still having a relationship with God. Love you more so he can love you right and in the words of Carrie Bradshaw “The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that’s just fabulous.”


  1. OMG, Michelle...I love your post! You are right on the money...Well said and I love the Carrie Bradshaw quote. ;-)

  2. I am MAN and and I must say that I agree with this post. ESPECIALLY the part about not having to be with the any man that shows interest in you, but I think that works vise versa as well for some men. I grew up as an only boy and the baby with 3 older sisters so I have seen it all when it comes to women and their emotions and reactions to men and my grandfather is a pastor here in Chicago and he has very little to do with the bad relationships my sisters or any other female member or even male for that matter have encountered.


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