Single BLACK Female (Part 4)
Last, but not least Brandi S. Allen has given the table her take! I am really into this conversation and I hope you all are too! Strong, beautiful, God-fearing women! Single, engaged, married... WHATEVER! We have a voice and I am happy that we are able to voice it! Check her out!!
Soooooo, where do I begin??? There are several opinions of why there are so many single black women in the world, but none as controversial as the article this blog post is centered around…The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely. As I began reading this extremely generalizing and stereotypical article, I started feeling “some kinda way”. Some statements I agree with, but most are simply angering. I must admit, the author has a few valid points, but her delivery is offensive, clouded and very matter-of-fact.
Deborrah Cooper blames “da passta”, for delivering GOD’S WORD to Black women and brainwashing them into waiting for their husbands. She instructs black women to leave the church and seek a man elsewhere. No woman should seek a man in church or anywhere else for that matter; rather, she should allow that man to seek her. Clearly, this woman is not a churchgoer, has not visited the right churches or has not genuinely sought a relationship with God, such that, she wouldn’t steer Black women AWAY from their churches. There are many other avenues for a single Black woman to explore, besides leaving their church because they haven’t found their husband. Contrary to popular belief, there ARE good men, BLACK men, walking the streets of every city…They may not be in your church, but you don’t have to LEAVE your church for them to find you!
As a HAPPILY married Black woman and mother, I was blessed to find my God-fearing, faith-driven husband on my college campus. I wasn’t looking for him AT ALL…LOL! God, literally, sat me in his chair at his desk…And the rest is HIStory. Despite Deborrah Coopers statement “going to church is not going to make you more attractive and interesting to men”, my husband tells me repeatedly that he his happy he found a Proverbs 31 woman, a virtuous woman…Without my upbringing in a Black church and around strong Black women, I wouldn’t be the woman he was seeking. Now, we are not what most would categorize as “religious”…We don’t LIVE in the church, condemn people to hell or parade around as if we ALL aren’t sinners on this Earth. However, we do attend church fairly regularly and pray daily. So, even though we didn’t meet in church, we have built a marriage around our faith.
Although I have PLENTY to say about this article and other articles the author has written, I will leave you all with this…After reading Cooper’s follow-up article, If You Didn’t ‘Get’ How The Black Church Keeps Black Women Single, my perspective is now slightly divided. As I stated previously, I do agree with a few points she made. For instance, she does bring to light the jaded views of SOME women in church, yet she is wrong in her approach to place all Black women who attend Black churches into one pool. Also, as there are some Black male pastors who have the antiquated “know your role” attitude towards women, there are many others who graciously allow women into their pulpit and numerous women who HEAD the pulpit! To gain a broader, clearer and more concise understanding of Deborrah Cooper’s point-of-view, please read her follow-up article and let us know your thoughts.
Single Black Women, know and love yourself, so others may love you too…Enjoy the single life inside and outside the church…Continue to worship God…And determine your OWN worth, so no man, woman, author or pastor can determine it for you.
~Brandi S. Allen~