I Am Changing
What happens when you get sick of trying? I wrote a post a few weeks ago called, “I Wish...”. When I wrote it, I was slightly frustrated with dating and was simply expressing my desire for a dating situation of substance. Sometimes, we can “wish” ourselves into the wrong situations. The fact that I want a meaningful relationship so badly, is probably hindering me from actually attaining one; because I put so much “wishing” into meaningless situations.
I’ve been thinking about this post since it’s gone up…just thinking if my words were perceived as I meant them. I am not the girl who is sitting up “wishing” for a relationship, but it is very much on my mind. It hasn’t consumed my life. It’s just when I think about my current reality and how I’ve come so far, how I’m finally happy; I sometimes feel a little something missing.
But, as I was reading some writings from Maya Angelou this morning, I came across a quote that seemed to be written just for me, at this time in my life.
“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
This quote seemed to slap me in the face, as I read it. As I wiped the shock off of my face (feeling like Dr. Angelou was talking directly to me), I began to reflect on my purpose for dating. Am I doing this because I don’t want to be alone or because I am really ready to date someone seriously? Sometimes we put ourselves in situations to “hold us over”…well, at least I do! Are my current situations “seat fillers” for the “one”?
I’m not sure if they are but I know that I am changing! My perception, my wants, my needs have become more abundant, more meaningful… I’m not wanting to “see what happens” anymore. I want to date someone who honestly is able and ready to handle a real relationship of substance.
As I become more grounded in my faith, I have prayed for preparedness for all things in my life. I want to be ready and able to face whatever is placed in front of me. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I am “too much to handle”, and I’ve actually begun to use it as a crutch. But a conversation I had with a good male friend a few weeks ago, made me think a little differently. He said, “People tell you that because they are afraid… You ARE NOT a lot to handle…”. As we laughed, I started to believe him!
I have always been an open book… If I am dating you and I am happy doing so, you will know! In order to open up to someone, you have to take a chance. Dating is all about taking chances, right?!? From the initial show of interest… to the first kiss and beyond…
But I’ve realized that I have to be willing to be alone and patient, as I become properly prepared. He’s out there for sure; I think my patience is just being tested as I continue to live my purpose. My wants have changed and so have my needs. And when it's all said and done... I'll be better then I am...
Table 4 One please… I am changing… Love me or leave me alone…
BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Making decisions and sticking to them is hard… especially when change is involved… But in the end, you have to make YOU happy!