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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I Need A Fixin' Too!

I’ve been struggling for a while about whether or not to give the whole “Basketball Wives” effect on the black woman’s reputation any more attention than it’s already gotten. As I watched Evelyn Lozada on Iyanla Vanzant’s “Fix My Life” earlier this week, I realized that I had to address a few things. I believe the behavior displayed on “Basketball Wives” should be used as a lesson, a test or an example of how we SHOULD NOT act or react in certain situations.  I am a strong believer that every action has a reaction and that we will always have consequences for the bad decisions we make, whether they are direct or indirect… as Iyanla says, “it’s going to cost you.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that Evelyn deserves any of the things that have happened to her, I am not an “I told you so” type of person, we all need some improvement, however it’s definitely made me think about my actions and where I am in my life! I posted a status jokingly on Facebook the other night as I watched the show:

I need Iyanla's phone number! I want her to be my accountability partner! My life could use some fixin'...

My Facebook friends had a little fun with me after this was posted and although I was joking slightly, I really wouldn’t mind speaking to this wise woman.  I feel that I can identify with her because she too is an open book.  It’s much easier to have conversations with people about your pain, if you know that they too have experienced some pain.  I don’t plan on taking any steps back into what once was my sad, dissatisfied life, but as I move forward I want to make sure I understand my past actions in relationships so that they won’t affect my future experiences.

It’s no secret that I want the dream… a husband, children, maybe a dog and to live happily ever after...  But my wanting these things doesn’t make me desperate for them! What I mean by this is that I know that I am a woman of worth, of value and would be an asset to my partner’s life.  With that being said, I need them to be the same for me.  Evelyn stated that she just wants to feel loved and wanted and even though she knew the situations she entered in the past weren’t the best ones, she continued to move forward. This is something I will NEVER do!

Mistakes are all about recovery, when these mistakes become the norm or a pattern then there is definitely something that needs to be addressed.  I’ve had to ask myself some questions about my last few dating situations as I have found a pattern in my behavior.  I think that there’s a sense of fear in myself, just as there is with Evelyn.  Now this fear doesn’t come from me not having a father because he is VERY much a part of my life so what is it?

This is why I would love to have conversations with Iyanla because she doesn’t care about hurting your feelings… She breaks you all the way down so that you can build YOURSELF up! How awesome is that!?! Her show is easily one of my new favorites! I believe that writing has helped me face some of the troubles in my life but I still take it easy on myself.  I need someone to help me “go there” get down to the nitty gritty about certain patterns in my behavior. Having an accountability partner is an awesome idea, in every aspect of your life!

I am blessed, in that I have a few, I am going to challenge myself to take a look at my past behavior and make improvements.  I am NO LONGER a complete mess… LOL but the thing that I absolutely love about myself is that I know that I am not perfect.  I also know that I never will be!  I am all about making the best of my flaws and I look forward to the day that someone trusts me enough to show me the best of theirs.

Table for One please… Embracing it all… Love me or leave me alone :-)

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Hold yourself accountable for your actions.  Sometimes a change in behavior is needed.  Happiness with yourself will affect the way others treat you.
 

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